


Catch me now

by Mercy_Wonder



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Season/Series 05, Alternate Universe - Human, Fluff, Head of the Mob Lucifer, M/M, Private detective Castiel, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-06-30 08:15:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15747804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mercy_Wonder/pseuds/Mercy_Wonder
Summary: In the city of Dethew, things are real shit. There is a real civil war between the criminal organisation called the Darkness, with a man named Lucifer at its head, and the Dethew Police Department (DPD) which leader is called Michael Shurley. Castiel, ex-detective in the police and now private detective, is only trying his best to survive and protect the people he cares about in this impossible situation.But things become near impossible when he misses a shot and attracts the attention of the person he really shouldn't have the attention of.It doesn't help that he has an imediate crush on this person, either...





	1. Chapter 1

Things can quickly become complicated in the city of Dethew, it’s not new.

With Castiel’s situation, the problems are double, even triple by some occasions. But he still tries, with little power and influence that he has, to save this city of its problems.

The problems can be summarized in two simple names: Michael Shurley and Lucifer. One of them is the head of the police, the other is the head of the mob.

Obviously, the mafia is the main problem in every town where a gang decides to settle down. But in Dethew, the Darkness is particularly powerful. Maybe it’s because of the lore that was created around it, rumors and stories about the leader, called _Lucifer_ , and the members who call themselves _demons_ or _Knights of Hell_ or whatever. 

Castiel ha s to admit, though, they kn ow how to make an impression. Not only by their names and legends created around them,  which inspire only fear and respect, but also by their… gruesome actions.  Sure, like any other mob they ste al and blackmail  an d threaten citizens, but they also like to kidnap people to torture them and kill them in particularly creative ways. 

Castiel knows it’s only for their pleasure. Because after deep investigations on their victims, he always found out that they had absolutely no links with the gang, and they had no interest in mutilating and killing them.

So he particularly despise them and their leaders for their cruelty and inhumanity. It d oes n’t help at all that the local “authorities” d o absolutely nothing to stop them.

How could the police become one of the biggest problem of a city? It’s an easy question. Corruption, ambition, megalomania… But in Castiel’s opinion, his former chief is just down right crazy. Or else, why would he leave Lucifer and his band do whatever crimes they want without leading a major action against them?

Castiel always had this sense of justice, the desire to do the right things, help the people who can’t defend themselves. It was originally the reason why he decided he wanted to enter the forces of law, and why he was so exited when he entered the Dethew Police Department.

But then, ha, he met some people, things happened and he was glad to run away from the police which, in the end, was very not better than the Darkness. He became independent and created his own tiny business of private detective.

That is how Castiel found himself in the middle of an impossible situation, caught in the crossfire of two giants so much more powerful than him, with absolutely no chances of making his side win. Especially when his side was composed of only three members, including him and two brothers hunted by both monsters of Dethew.

It’s not glorious. It’s a pretty terrible situation but at least, he can work with his own sense of justice, trying to keep the Darkness away from the younger brother, Sam Winchester, and the police away from Dean, the older. How they both managed to get the attention of the two organizations they had to avoid at all cost, he still wonders. But it’s their situation, and he’s their only ally.

And this is what finally provided him a lead, an actual lead to put an end to the actions of the head of the mob. A way to put Lucifer down. One of their former member managed to get out and, probably the clean her consciousness, came to Castiel, the only neutral part in this city. She gave him all the things necessary to put an end to Lucifer’s actions, along with the place where he could find him and a photo. That was unexpected but such an occasion can’t be missed.

It had to happen when the Winchesters were on one of their trip out the city, of course. It was a things organized to blurry their tracks and keep them safe. Even if Castiel had insisted that they stayed permanently away, they refused, saying that they had to stay to help. Anyway, with the brothers out of town, the timing is perfect. Or terrible, according to the point of view.

He finally has all the cards in hand to put an end to all of their problems.

He really can’t miss this chance.


	2. Prologue

When Castiel pushes open the doors of the bar restaurant chain “Five Swan” that opened in Dethew, he is immediately welcomed with the smell of grease and breakfast food.

It smells cheap, like a place you wouldn’t look too much into. He never thought to search for Lucifer in here and wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for the intel his witness gave him. Which is exactly why he’s more confident that he’s going to find what he is looking for in here.

It’s kind of the perfect place to stay unnoticed. The room in not crowded, but there are enough people and small groups not to pay extra attention to one of them. It’s free service, command at bar, so allowing some freedom of movement in the restaurant without being suspicious and there are several exits.

Yes, Castiel can picture some Mob boss hanging around, especially the unconventional type of Lucifer.

The detective quickly looks around, to see if he can get a glimpse of something noticeable when he is heading to the bar. He settles down on one of the stool and orders a lemonade. Waiting for his command to arrive, he makes a quick checkup.

He’s got his weapon, secured on his belt. He will need this, he thinks. It’s unlikely that Lucifer will come down without a fight, particularly since he is… pretty unpredictable. He just hopes a shooting won’t start in a public place like here. It would be unfortunate for the civilians.

Then, there is his license, tiny display of authority. He rarely relies on it, but at least this simple sheet of paper allows him to make an arrest. Maybe the most important arrest of his whole life. He repeats distractedly the speech he hope to make while passing his handcuffs around Lucifer’s wrists. Handcuffs that are secured in his belt, too.

His lemonade arrives, his thanks the waitress and unfolds Lucifer’s picture, a gesture only made to be one hundred percent sure. He knows how he looks like, of course. He spent all of his time looking at it and memorizing his features, in case he would cross his path elsewhere. He didn’t. But he still feels some form of pride, to know how Lucifer looks, when for most of people, he is just a name in the darkness.

Castiel didn’t really picture him this way, though. On the picture, compared to the... “demons” surrounding him, he seems a little frail. Maybe he could be a little taller than him, from only a few centimeters, but the detective is definitely stronger than him. Lucifer has short, light blond and not combed hair, and clear blue eyes.

Some noise is made behind him, and he feels the urge to quickly put away the picture. When he turns around to see what kind of people made him startle like this, he is not surprised to see, with his own eyes and in real life, Lucifer. His heart skip a beat. The Mob leader is sitting on the booth at the furthest table from the main door, and with him are seating three other men that the detective assumes are members of the Darkness.

But, well, he doesn’t really look at them. His eyes are stuck on Lucifer. Somehow, he looks a little different than on the picture. Bigger, brighter, and, damn, he is attractive. He has very nice features that Castiel couldn’t really see in the picture and he’s definitely good to look at. He has some irresistible charisma that makes it more clear as why would so many people follow him into the Darkness. He wants to just stand up and walk to him to just, start a conversation and maybe more, if he lets him.

Suddenly, he feels his cheeks grow warmer. What the Hell? Where did those thoughts came form? He can’t think those kinds of thing about the head of the mob, about someone he is about to arrest. Furthermore, he notices he is completely staring and this is not really discrete and professional. God, he is usually better than this. So he turn around to his lemonade and drinks, thinking about things more important than how he wished he met him in other circumstances.

Castiel is obviously outnumbered. He has no chances of getting out of alive if he just tells them he is going to put the head of the Darkness in jail. He needs… some kind of plan. Because he notices just now that he doesn’t really has one. He was too exited about this unexpected opportunity that he just… kind of jumped into it. But now he knows where to find Lucifer. He could always come back another day with some sort of plan and even backup. The basics.

When he turns around his eyes meet Lucifer's, and Lucifer grins at him.

Castiel wants to quickly adverts his eyes but he knows it’s too late. He completely acknowledged his presence. And, great, he is totally blushing under his attention. So, he might as well do it now. He empties his drink to try to cool down before he stands up and walks to his table, trying to look determined. It doesn’t help that Lucifer keeps on staring at him with the same smile.

Before he even stops before their table, Lucifer leans in, hands under his chin. “What can I do for you?” He drawls, digging holes through Castiel with his piercing gaze.

The detective keeps a blank face when he pulls out his license, puts it on the table and takes his handcuffs. “Lucifer, you are under arrest for everything you know you are guilty of.”

Surprisingly, Lucifer doesn’t react immediately. His henchmen are much quicker, pulling out their weapons and aiming at Castiel, literally growling. And this is the moment he regrets pulling out his handcuffs instead of his gun. But the demons are stopped in their tracks by the sound of someone snorting.

Castiel turns his eyes back to Lucifer, who is smiling widely, preventing a massacre with only a movement of his hand. His eyes flicker to Castiel’s license and he just shrugs. “Okay”

 

Castiel can still hardly believe it, even when he is in the Dethew police station, filling the official papers of his arrest. The procedure is a little more complicated than when he was still part of the police but he can manage it easily. He has all the elements to make sure that Lucifer will never walk out of his cell. He is about to destroy the Darkness. Cut the head and everything come apart.

He thinks he’s never been better in his entire life. He still can’t believe it went so well. He didn’t have to fight, and Lucifer followed him with no resistance. It almost seems to easy but when he thinks about it, it really wasn’t. It’s just the result of many years of work. He has to call Sam to tell him.

When he raises his head to hand the files he just finished to fill, he feels his heartbeat stop. Lucifer is right hear, in the corridors, walking peacefully as if he wasn’t just arrested. As if Castiel wasn’t confused enough, Lucifer sees him and walks toward him with a huge grin.

“Castiel, right?” Lucifer asks innocently.

“How… are you out?” Is all Castiel is able to ask.

“Aw...” He pout. “You really thought you could put me in a cage? That is adorable” His eyes flicker behind Castiel. “Believe me, you haven’t seen the last of me.” He says more seriously.

It makes Castiel check behind his back and when he sees a tall dark-haired man with severe green eyes walking to them, his whole body freezes. As if it could become worst, he is surrounded by both Lucifer and Michael.

When he arrive at their level, Michael doesn’t seem surprised or even even shocked to see Lucifer, the head of the _Darkness_ , walking in his kingdom. He only seems kind of… annoyed. Then, his eyes fall on Castiel and he only scowl. 

“Ho… it’s _you_...” He head of the police says before taking the files of Lucifer’s arrest,  shredding them and throwing them in the bin, as if it was the most natural thing even. 

Castiel knew Michael wasn’t the sanest person on Earth but this? He can’t understand. “What on Earth are you doing?”

But Michael doesn’t bother to even look at him. He stares at Lucifer, before he finally breaks the silence. “Hello, Lucifer...”

“Hi big brother” Lucifer answer, without any traces of amusement in his voice or features.

“Make sure I don’t see you again before the time has come.”

“Naturally.” Lucifer agrees.

Meanwhile, Castiel is so shocked that he doesn’t even notice the moment Michael walks away. They are… brothers. The head of the mod and the head of the DPD, the two main problems of this city, the leaders of the two side who make was against each other are brothers. It doesn’t make any sense. Actually, yes, it does. This is how Lucifer is immune to the forces of the law. But then, why do they fight each other? No, it doesn’t make sense.  He he just feels  _so_ stupid. He should have seen it coming.

Lucifer just stares at him and this is what brings him out of his thoughts. “It was a nice try.” He proposes.

Castiel just remembers who is talking to him, and how much he is in trouble for manifesting himself and trying to arrest him. He had things to do, people to protect. This mistake, this huge failure will cost him everything. He shivers slightly, before turning away. He can’t. He has to get away from here. He shouldn’t have trusted the police with this.

He only sighs when he notices Lucifer is following him out of the building. “I told you you haven’t seen the last of me.” He somehow justifies.

Castiel doesn’t reply, just keeps on walking faster and faster. He has to get away, get far from other people. What can he do? Nothing. He can’t just kill Lucifer. Technically, he could. But then… He guesses Michael would have total power over this city? And no one wants that. Furthermore, it would mean that all the Darkness would come after him, the man who would have murdered their leader. He couldn’t afford that.

In a desert street, he abruptly stops and turns around to face Lucifer who still hadn’t let go of him. “Are you going to kill me?” He asks.

Lucifer seems truly surprised by his question. “No… I don’t think I want to… why?”

Castiel is even more surprised by his answer. “Huh… it’s… I’d like you to do it now if you plan to.”

On these words, he pulls out his gun from his belt and hand it to Lucifer. It would be for the best if he did it right here, right now. He can’t let his mistake lead to some sort of blackmail, investigation on him. It could reveal thing about the Winchesters. He would rather die than risk this.

But Lucifer just laughs and shakes his head.  “Okay, yeah, no… I’m definitely not going to kill you, Castiel.  You are way to much interesting for this.”  He smirks. “ In fact, I think I’d like you to be my friend.” 

“Friend…” Castiel frowns. “It’s like a fancy word to say you are dragging me in the Darkness?”

“No, as in: friends. Believe it or no, I don’t have much allies outside of my people who follows blindly every one of my words. Eventually, it just gets boring. Unlike you. Your appearance today was refreshing.”

D ecidedly, things just get weirder and weirder. He must be playing with him. Castiel almost wishes Lucifer would just have shot him and kept on with his own business. But if he represent any  _ interest _ for him, as flattering it could be, it just puts his whole life in danger. He can’t let him dig into his life. He can’t let him discover anything about him.

“Anyway, now I have to go to lead my demons. But that was fun. So… you know where to find me.” Lucifer offers. “Otherwise, know that I _will_ find out your address and phone number. See you.”  The head of the Darkness winks at him and simply walks away.

And all that Castiel can do is watch him walk away, at lost of what he could possibly do.


	3. Second Type Meeting

The moment Castiel arrives in his apartment, he locks everything that can be locked.

He takes time to think about his next actions. The last thing he can be is reckless. Sure, Lucifer is a lunatic but that only makes him more dangerous, him and his… demons. He glances at his apartment, the little but comfy place he made his home and place of work. He bids his farewell. He can’t stay here. He has to move out.

He leaves his phone in his flat and goes out to find a public phone. He has to warn the Winchesters but can’t possibly think of doing it with his actual phone. Because of course, his phone would be the first thing to be traced and each and every one of his calls would be under surveillance. Thankfully, his allies are very careful, too. They would not answer the call of an unknown number, especially the type of a public phone. So he calls directly Dean and Sam’s fifth phone to tell them he is in a dire situation and will keep them informed but they must not try to contact him. He is pretty sure they would at least check their voice mail.

One thing on the checklist done…

 

Three days later, Castiel has moved, brought several new phones, just in case, and he thinks he has deleted every thing that could be found on him on the net. He kept the Winchesters informed and is now as safe as he could be.

The situation would not stop him from going out, though. It even encourages it. He can’t stay too much time in the same place. So he just walks out, constantly checking his surrounding, before he notices he is somewhere around his old place. It’s a stupid idea. He knows it’s a fucking stupid idea, but he couldn’t resolve to throw away his old phone. So he just kinda hid it in the hall of his former building. And now, he is burning with the curiosity to just, check it, if anything happened to it.

He also thinks a lot about going back to Five Swans, just to settle things. Find Lucifer and somehow get out of this situation, or end things for good. It wouldn’t be that hard, in the end. All it would take would be a bullet in his head. And then… Either he would die or would somehow get away with it, but there would still be Michael and… he’s just as much of a psychopath as his brother so nothing would really change, except that he would have total control over Dethew. Not something Castiel would be particularly fond of.

Or maybe he would just chat with Lucifer, as he kind of wished the first time he saw him, and discover that he is actually a nice guy who is just trapped in a fucked up situation and can’t really get away. They could try to find a way, though, and then maybe become friends, as he so unnaturally proposed it. Or even more, why not?

Castiel wipes that stupid idea of his mind. Stupid, delusional idea. He enters his old hall and while he still debates with himself as whether he should or shouldn’t go back, he reaches his old phone. It’s beeping, sign that there are messages. Of course, all the thing that he could expect, mails of people his distantly knows, things not really of matter at the moment, spam messages and another text, sent from an unknown number.

 

Unknown:

_Fine, I have to hand it to you, you know how to hide your tracks._

_Just getting more and more interesting._

_How about having a little chat? You still know where to find me._

 

Castiel reads it and re-reads it, confused and uncertain, when his phone rings again.

 

Unknown:

_Yes, this is an invitation._

 

The timing is pretty unbelievable, but Castiel figures, why not? He is all prepared to go, since he never leave without various ways to defend himself. It is said that he only wants a chat. Maybe it’s true. Maybe he could get some information about the Darkness. He is aware these are only maybe’s but right now, this is about all he has.

When he pushes the doors of Five Swans, he feels a little less certain. It all seems pretty suspicious but, well, he has a chance and even if it’s a very long shot, he is willing to take it. He walks to the table which seems to be the one the Darkness always takes. When Lucifer sees him, he grins.

“Good morning Castiel." He glances at his henchmen who, one by one, glare at Castiel and leave their seats. “Please, take a seat.”

Castiel hesitates but finally take the seat across from Lucifer, who is just casually resting on the booth as if it was his.

Lucifer’s smile thins a little bit. “To be honest I wasn’t sure you would come”

Castiel looks around him to notice that the henchmen are not really gone, just now they cover every exit. “to be honest, I still think it’s a very bad idea.” He turns to stare at Lucifer. “Curiosity killed the cat.”

Lucifer smirks and leans in, resting his chin on his linked hands. “Ho, so you are curious about me.”

“This whole city is curious about you, Lucifer.” Castiel deadpans.

Lucifer snorts. “Fine. One question for one answer. Is that okay with you?”

The detective hesitates. He shouldn’t. That’s so stupid. He can’t be interrogated like that. Furthermore, it only seems like a game. But again, maybe it is only a game for Lucifer. And right now he feels trapped, he can’t go. He might as well play along, then. He supposes nothing forces him to tell the truth.

Lucifer’s smile widens. “You could lie and I wouldn’t know. But that would kill the game, don’t you think? If you don’t want to answer then just don’t. But that will allow me to skip some of your questions”

Castiel considers his proposition for several seconds, but he guesses it’s a fair one. He straightens his posture in his chair. “Michael is your brother… Is this how you always get away with your actions?”

Lucifer pouts. “This is an easy one. Yes, my brother Michael makes sure that I stay free until the time has come.”

So many questions roam around in Cas’s head. The answer is weirdly made, as if Lucifer wanted to disclose as many things as he could. That “time” he just evoked is pretty intriguing.

“what did you do before doing your own little business?”

Cas frowns, he’s pretty sure Lucifer knows already. Maybe he’s warming up.

“I worked under the orders of your brother.”

Lucifer nods, telling him all he needed. He knew, obviously. Well let him just warm up. Castiel came to have answers. The game is on.

“When is the “Time” you were talking about?”

“When all the pawns are in place for our final confrontation. What pushed you to leave the DPD?”

“Let’s say I disagreed with their politics. What pawns are you talking about?”

Castiel is able to hide his nervousness. He knows Lucifer wants to put his hand on Sam Winchester. He is almost sure his name will come out of his mouth in his next answer. But then he could dig in a little as the _why_.

“The most important parts of the plan actually. Their names are Sam and Dean Winchester, but sadly they somehow stay out of our reach. Does their names sound familiar to you?”

Castiel does every thing he can to keep his poker face. There isn’t a good way to answer this question. If he says yes, or no, Lucifer will figure out. He shakes his head. “Why do you have to wait for this?”

Lucifer’s smile widens in a display of his white teeth, making Castiel shudder. He _knew_ he would figure out whatever his answer was.

“Because. This is just what is written, what must happen.” Lucifer says. “Would you happen to be the wayward detective who helped Dean Winchester escape my brother’s grip?”

Castiel keeps his calm and collected expression and stares into Lucifer’s eyes. “Why would you do this?”

Lucifer finally leans back against the booth, seeming almost uneasy. “Because it’s our destiny.”

All the detective can do is frown, not believing his ears. Lucifer is doing this because _he has to_? He has the feeling that he becomes event more and more intriguing as he asks more questions. And somehow he is desperate to solve this puzzle.

“How about you?” Lucifer continues. “Why would you do everything you can to put yourself in the way of what is meant to be?”

Castiel thinks that Lucifer’s faith in whatever this is must be pretty strong to blind him this much. “Because there is no faith. You can chose to do the right thing.” He thinks he is starting to get a little bit too much invested in this game. “Why would you think otherwise?”

Lucifer looks to the side “hm…” Then looks back at Castiel. “So you are truly neutral? Having your own side?”

He really doesn’t miss how the leader of the Darkness decided to avoid this question in particular. Interesting… Just getting more and more interesting. He still has many things to know. And he used to thought he had a lot of information and leverage in this whole situation.

“Yes. What do you want to do with Sam Winchester?”

“I Told you. I need him to defeat Michael. Then why did you come after me and not my brother?”

“I had every elements for it, and absolutely nothing against Michael. But now I think I have to bring down the both of you at the same time.”

Lucifer’s answers just get more and more frustrating as he keeps them so cryptic, consciously or not. He needs more elements than that. Why would you want to defeat your brother and how would Sam help you with it?”

“Getting greedy?” He smirks. “Obviously because he wants to destroy me, because this is what we were made for. What kind of elements?”

Castiel can’t let go of this opportunity to piss off his opponent. “I guess not all of your “demons” blindly obey you.”

“I see...” Lucifer narrows his eyes, and before the detective has a chance to ask another question, he explains. “By putting down his brother, Sam Winchester will make me win against my brother and have total control over this place.”

“Sam would never do this.”

“Yet he will, because it’s his destiny.”

It’s the moment Cas is convinced there is something very wrong with all this situation. Even worst than what he thought. None of this is possible. The Darkness and the DPD are acting and destroying this city and thousands of lives just because of something that is impossible to happen. It doesn’t make any sense and it makes him sick. All of this for nothing.

“Are you sure you don’t want to join me?”

“I’m sorry Lucifer.” He genuinely is. “But I don’t think you fight for the good reasons.”

“And what are the good reasons?”

He asks, looking genuinely curious. And Castiel just… feels so much pity for him. He was supposed to be afraid of him, Lucifer, the biggest threat of Dethew. But he seems so deeply and fundamentally broken that… he can’t be afraid of him. He just kinda want to fix him, put all the pieces back together.

“They are… things you care about, and want to care about and protect. Goals you genuinely want to achieve because it would make you feel right. And not something that was forced upon you just “because”.”

“Well it sounds very cliche. Did you got that out of a movie or something? Do you realize that sometimes, you just _can’t_?”

Castiel narrows his eyes. “You always have some form of choice, even if sometimes, all the options seem bad. You can still choose.” He sighs. “Whatever. I guess we are done.” He makes a move to leave, because yeah, he feels like there was enough done for the day, and somehow he feels a deep exhaustion in all of his body, in his bones, in his core. He needs to get away to process a little.

A hand grip his wrist, and he stops in his tracks, remembering he is with Lucifer and demons are blocking the exits.

“Wait, I…” He actually hesitates for a second. “My thirst for answers isn’t yet satisfied. Where do you come from? How are you so good at hiding? And so much more...”

Castiel hesitates. He has to answer all of these questions? He doesn’t even know why he thought Lucifer would conform to some sort of rules.

“So, here” Lucifer gives him a piece of paper. “This is my number. Personal. Since you tossed every phones I found the number of, I guess I don’t have other choices but to wait for you to reach for me. I can’t wait to hear more of your theories about “free will” or… I don’t know how you call it.”

Castiel looks between Lucifer’s eyes, his hand on his wrist and the paper. He has expectant eyes and somehow, he has difficulties to just leave it as it is.

He sighs and takes the paper. “Yes, the term is exactly “free will”.” and Lucifer grins.

Castiel manages to leave, with, to his surprise, no more of a bother than glares from the demon he walks in front of. When he is out, he walks in the nearest shop, writes the number on his skin, and throws away the paper. He then goes into the little airport Dethew could afford and passes in the metal detecting machine. He only sighs when it beeps, lets the security guards check him and gets reed of the tracking device that was hidden on him. Only after all of this he can go home.

Seems like avoiding Lucifer’s tricks will have to become one of his skills, then.


	4. Pen Pals

Castiel hesitates  and thinks during a few days. He really doesn't know if he should use the number  Lucifer gave him .  He only can see ways this would go wrong.

He still got a new phone just in case he decides to use it. Still just in case, he enters the number in the contacts. It's the only contact, and he names it “Study 1”. Because he doesn't want to acknowledged the fact that he has the number of Lucifer in his phone. And he can't let himself think about Lucifer every time he would see the name on the phone. At least, like that, he can somehow imagine that it's someone else's number. Someone who doesn't terrifies for a living.

He decided to be even more careful but Castiel is still too curious not to go check on his old phone. He has to, just to see if Lucifer left go. He tries to blurry his tracks, changes his patterns but eventually, after several days, he goes back. He makes sure no one even sees him, and infiltrates the hall of the building.

Unsurprisingly, he can see that there are news messages.

 

Unknown:

_you leave me hanging to my phone like this and_ I’m _the bad guy?_

 

Unknown:

_Come on, Castiel, what would it cost you to communicate with me?_

 

Unknown:

_Okay, I get it. You didn’t like the fact that I implanted a tracking device on you, right?_

 

Unknown:

_H_ _ere is what I know. You got rid of all the things that you could be traced with in a night, you moved out without any legal traces, changed phones without being noticed, seem to know all the way to not be traced around, this is all very impressive. But I also know that you keep one of your old phones (the one I’m texting to right now) in your old building and keep on checking it so I know you are seeing this. I could perfectly trace it back to you, or post someone in observation in this place._

 

Unknown:

_What must a guy do to get a reply?_

 

Unknown:

_I swear, Castiel. If you don’t reply to me I will blow up this building._

 

“Shit” Castiel swears out loud. He doesn't know if Lucifer is serious. He seriously can't know. But he isn't willing to take the risk. He finally decides to go pursue that device he saw while browsing for ways to protect himself from all the ways this could be a trick. A device that blocks all external signals except the ones of numbers he has unblocked. He hesitated on buying it, but now is the best moment, he supposes.

So he sits down on the first cafe he found, and pulls out his phone. He still hesitates when he selects the number. Should he really do it? No. It seems like a fucking terrible idea.

 

You:

_D_ _on’t you have anything better to do than to_ _harass and threaten to kill people?_

 

Study 1:

_Not really :)_

 

You:

_And you didn’t have to threaten an act of terrorism for me to send you a message._

 

Study 1:

_Of course, because_ _every thing else worked so well._

 

You:

_What do you even want?_

 

Study 1:

_I told you: You are a very good entertainment._

 

You:

_Right._

 

Study 1:

_How do you even do it? I have very talented people working on your case but you stay invisible. They can’t even trace your phone when you are on an open line with me right now._

 

You:

_I have my ways._

 

Study 1:

_I’d love to hear more about that. ;_ _)_

 

Castiel feels his heartbeat stop a little. Did he read correctly? Yes, he did. And suddenly he feels himself blushing because it seems a lot like flirtation. And he immediately hates himself for his reaction.

 

You : 

_Just drop the act._

 

Study 1:

_I am not “acting” anything. And honestly I’m hurt you think so. I am genuinely interested in you._

 

You:

_The fact that I am the only person who has a link with the Winchesters is only a coincidence, of course._

 

Study 1:

_The fact that, when_ _you finally trust me and we become friends,_ _you could give me Sam, is more like a bonus. A very nice bonus, but not my primary goal here._

 

Castiel has to pause for a moment. The thought is… funny, really. Yeah, it’s just ridiculous. As if becoming friend with Lucifer could ever be a possibility. Sure, he doesn't seem that terrifying now that he can put a face and a childish act on his name. But they still don't have the same vision about important matters, such as murders.

 

You : 

_ I’d like to see you try.  _ _ You don’t have a war to lead and other lives to destroy? _

 

Study 1:

_Not for the moment, no. I can dedicate all my time to you and your lessons about “free will”._

 

This is… charming, he has to say. So Lucifer remembers it. Maybe he is genuinely interested in it? Maybe he just never understood it before? Castiel can hardly understand how suddenly, he wants to teach him everything he knows about it.

 

You:

_Are you serious about this?_

 

Study 1:

_Sure, why not?_

 

It sort of comes from his most crazy dreams, to stop this absurd civil war with _ethic lessons_ or somewhat. But he is not going to let the occasion pass. If he can _change_ Lucifer, well he is ready to do about anything.

 

You:

_Fine, then. I will keep texting you._

 

Study 1:

_Sweet :)_

 

This is how, Castiel guesses, he became Lucifer's pen pal... Why not? If this is how he could get to him. And in the end, he has to admit that it's not such the pain he thought it would be. Obviously, Lucifer is still _Lucifer_. But maybe those exchanges actually did calm him a little bit. Castiel doesn't have that constant feelings of dread anymore. And texting with him... he can take a certain form of pleasure from it.

Day after day, the detective wakes up and reads the messages sent by Lucifer.

 

Study 1:

_Will you not give me at least a clue? Just the name of your street or something like that._

 

You:

_Nope, not one chance. I don't want you to stalk my place._

 

Study 1:

_Please... If I wanted to harm you I would have done it already._

 

If he thinks really hard about it, he supposes he could have. After all, Lucifer knows every thing about his past. He knows the name of all his family, his friends, the people he loves. He isn't sure if he didn't already looked up all their addresses but... If he really wanted to hurt him, he could have. On that he has a point.

 

You:

_You're not interested in harming me, you want to take the information I have about the Winchesters._

 

Study 1:

… _Even if it was true, it would be much less time and energy consuming to just push you to your edge by attacking you constantly._

 

Lucifer has another point.

 

You:

_Then what to you expect from this?_

 

Study 1:

_Didn't I already told you at multiples times?_

 

You:

_It didn't occur to you that maybe I don't want to be the friend of the head of the mob?_

 

Study 1:

_Now that hurts my feelings. Really._

 

Castiel doesn't really know how to react. Is this even for real? It could be. It's also possible that Lucifer is only fucking with him. Though he likes to believe he is starting to understand the leader of the Darkness, and it doesn't seem like a joke.

 

You:

_I apologize. But if your intentions are truly only to develop a relationship with me, you must understand that the situation is pretty unconventional._

 

Study 1:

_I know. It only makes it more interesting, don't you think?_

 

When the detective is about to type something to reply, another text comes in.

 

Study 1:

_Though you could come over and we could try to make it more conventional ;)_

 

He can't believe it, really. Is it just him or is Lucifer really hitting on him? And with his ridiculous emoticons... Well they're not that ridiculous but if he ever thought Lucifer texted with emoticons... But, well... he guesses this is just Lucifer, it's alright. What isn't right is how he plays with his feelings this way. It's not like he has feelings for Lucifer in that way but he did find him particularly attractive when he saw him the first time. He is just worried that these simple thoughts added to his curiosity about that character could turn into something else.

He just has to stay focused. The detective still tries to get some answers from the leader of the Darkness in their next exchanges in the next days, trying to keep things relatively distant. But maybe he needs to give something on his side if he wants answers. He understands that Lucifer still wants to see him but he doesn't think he's ready to take that chance yet.

 

Study 1:

_You don't want to come? I will buy you another lemonade :)_

 

You:

_Why did you even create the Darkness in the first place?_

 

Study 1:

_Are we really doing this?_

 

You:

_Yes._

 

Study 1:

_Then, I guess... I was predestined to. From my childhood it was obvious that my talent was more in those illegal fields. And my puberty didn't really fix things._

 

You:

_You seem to believe a lot about destiny. How about your brother?_

 

Study 1:

_I don't know, it seems like a one sided relationship to me. Don't you think?_

 

You:

_I am just trying to understand you._ _Were you and your brother part of some cult?_

 

Study 1:

_Now that is a very odd question to ask..._

 

You:

_Excuse-me but you don't really give me much to work on._

 

Study 1:

_I'm just_ _feeding the mystery to_ _keep you interested ;_ _)_

 

You:

_Right._

 

Study 1:

_But maybe I would tell you in person. :_ _)_ _Why don't we meet again? You still know where to find me. I'm still_ _upset_ _the contrary isn't true btw. :/_

 

You:

_Nice try. I think our exchanges are far enough as they are._

 

Study 1:

_You leave me unsatisfied, Castiel. But very well, we will do it your way for now._

 

Castiel can't help but chuckle. Those messages are... They're only silly, really. That's weird. Some times he just forgets he is texting with the head of the mob. Maybe the name he gave him really did its job. But... he really likes their exchanges. He isn't sure why but somehow, they seem more real. More intimate and more true. Maybe it's because only them can read them. That's silly.

 

Study 1:

_At least, now, I have a way to reach_ _to_ _you._

 

Damn. Why does his heart reacts like this. This is not a good thing at all.


	5. A Way Out

Castiel looks down on his screen, waiting for Lucifer's answer. He's still trying to get answers from him. On how he became this way. He thinks maybe he has some sort of twisted interest but... he's only trying to understand. Just in case, he went to the closest cafe from his apartment. He doesn't know if somehow Lucifer could find a way to track his phone. He still blurry his tracks.

Out of nowhere, a woman slide into the booth in front of him. She is small, has a round face and laughing eyes, and long curvy dark hair. “Hi there pretty face.”

“Er… hello?”

She laughs. “To think I would be the one to find you... Right when I wasn't even looking for you. Just... by pure accident!” She gives him a huge smile, and it only confuses Castiel more. “And from a closer look... I guess I do understand the interest Lucifer has in you.”

Understanding dawns on Castiel and he immediately reaches for his weapon secured in his belt, but he is stopped by her warning. “Ha ha.” The women shows her left hand in which she holds a gun pointed at some civilian just silently enjoying his breakfast. It stops the detective in his tracks. Is it some sort of hostage situation?

She then uses her free hand to snatch his phone away when he is still frozen. She reads it and burst out laughing.

Castiel scowls but reluctantly puts his gun away. He has an idea of what is happening but he is still confused. “What do you want?”

She finally calms down and just puts the detective's phone in the pocket of her leather jacket. “Follow me.” She gets up and visibly waits for him to open the march, probably to watch over him more efficiently.

Castiel checks all around him but sees absolutely no way of getting out of this situation, so he supposes he will only have to nicely obey. When he passes in front of her, he hears an appreciative sound. He isn't even going to comment about it.

They walk out of the cafe and she leads him with her gun against his back. She takes out her phone with her free hand and makes a call while leading him to an empty alley. “Yeah, it's me. Come get me.”

This is when Castiel sees his occasion. He turn around grab the wrist of the hand which held the gun to orientate in the direction of the floor and uses his free arm to punch her in the face, slightly knocking her off. It's enough for her grip on her gun to drop, though. Then all he has to do is pull out his own weapon and aim at her.

She groans and wipes the blood that runs down from her mouth. Probably she bit her tongue when he hit her. She stumbles a second to find back her balance, then raises her eyes at him and smile in a perverted way.

Castiel puts out the security off his gun to intimidate her. “I don't see what's worth of smiling in your situation.”

“Ho, everything, gorgeous.”

Suddenly he hears a car drift and burst in the narrow alley, making him somehow loose track of what he was doing. The black car drifts to stop right in front of him. The doors open and two men are pointing their guns at him.

“I'm afraid you will have to get in the car.” The woman empathizes.

Castiel sighs. But what other choices does he have except getting in and hoping he won't be brutally murdered or tortured until he has to reveal things about the brothers? After all... they are part of the Darkness? If Lucifer is behind it, surely it can't be such bad news? So he pulls his gun away. He climbs up, and ends up being sandwiched between two dangerous looking guys, who are probably as murderous as they look. The woman climbs in the passenger seat and the car takes off.

The car drive for several minutes, and the detective is surprised he isn't blindfolded. It probably means they are not taking him somewhere important. Or they are confident he won't be able to remember the road... He tries to though, and picture in his head this road that leads them to the peripheral city where, in his knowledge, there is nothing but abandoned and half destroyed building or social dwellings.

Finally, the car stops, and everyone gets out. The demons exchange glances but in the end, it's the woman who guides him into an abandoned looking factory. The moment he steps through the door, he can see it is not abandoned. Dozens of people run around, preparing weapons and drugs and other supplies that doesn't really seem obtained legally.

They took him to the HQ of the Darkness and Castiel can't believe how risky it is for Lucifer. Why would he take him here? It's about every thing he was aiming for. With all this, he could bring the whole Darkness down, if Michael doesn't interfere once again... But still, extremely dangerous for Lucifer. And, ha, yes, for him. Being in the middle of all those psychopaths and all.

He then lets himself be guided through the large opened space, climbs old stair of steel and progress through dusty corridors.

“I'm Meg, by the way. In case you want to put a name on your fantasies.”

Castiel stares at her. He has no ideas what this woman -Meg- is talking about. But then she holds his wrist up, takes a pen and writes on his arm.

“But they don't have to stay fantasies alright?” She winks at him before stopping in front of a wooden door with no inscription on it.

The door opens and while her focus is elsewhere, Castiel looks down on his marked skin. A number is written down. Now, he thinks this is uncomfortable. So this woman was indeed hitting on him. Why does this happen with members of the Darkness? Still, he supposes, this is information...

When he raises his head, Lucifer is here, a serious look on his face though he has still a devious smile on his lips. “Castiel, I almost forgot how you looked like.”

Castiel only looks back. “Lucifer.”

“He is _fierce_ ” Meg says, as if it was a compliment. She nods at Lucifer, probably about something they were talking about before he started paying attention, and walks away.

“Ha, but please come in.” Lucifer get off the way of the door.

“You are aware that you take huge risks by letting me in your fortress?”

“No.” He grins. “This is how much I trust you”

Castiel suddenly feels very wrong for all the thoughts that were running in his head on his way here. “You shouldn't...”

“Maybe, yeah... I mean, this is sad that I find myself forced to kidnap you only to see you. Even more when you refuse to pass the threshold of my office.”

Castiel realizes and finally steps in. The door closes softly behind him and he just takes in the scenery.

The office is a pretty big office, mostly covered in gray and red paint, with a dark flooring. There is one big window. In front of it is a pretty big desk, seeming made in an expensive wood, facing the door. An armchair is supposedly where Lucifer seat and two smaller chair are probably where seat his “guests”. A big library on his left, full of books, some seem like sketchbooks, old ones. On the far corner of the room there is a door, closed. On his right, a big sofa with seeming comfortable cushions. Surprisingly there as blankets randomly thrown on it.

“Yeah, that's where I rest.” Lucifer explains when he sees where Castiel's gaze lingers.

Castiel turns back to Lucifer, who just stood behind him when he didn't took more steps into the room. “Rest as in... you don't... _sleep._ ”

“Didn't I just say that I rested here?”

“Er... okay...” The detective can't really give advices on how to sleep correctly and follow a sane rhythm of life but still...

“So what do you think?” Lucifer asks, finally walking just right next to Castiel, in the sofa area.

“It's... impressive.” He really thinks so, for a criminal organization.

“Thought so.” Lucifer declares, letting himself plop down on the sofa, while Castiel just stares at him still digesting the whole “don't sleep” thing. “Don't just stand here! Make yourself comfortable” Lucifer says, gesturing to Castiel and the rest of the room.

He glances around, keeping his eyes away from Lucifer. Yep, still as attractive as the first time. Especially surrounded by this comfortable aura that people oozes from their places. And this place is... it's Lucifer's, he chose it, the furniture, the little objects he placed around... And Lucifer just fit perfectly in it. He can't... yeah, no. don't start on this stream of thoughts.

“Am I allowed to sneak around?”

Lucifer snorts. “If you care so much about it.”

He doesn't need to hear it twice. He immediately goes for the closed door, hoping it's not locked. He is a bit disappointed, but also some sort of glad to see it opens, not on some creepy closet full of torture and bloody utensils, or stairs leading to an obscure cave, but a simple bathroom, with sink, mirror, toilets and bathtub.

When he turns around, Lucifer is staring at him with his slight smile. He can't really hold his gaze without thinking something stupid so he looks away, and his gaze falls on the window. It's big, so he figured it wasn't really discrete. Anyone could sneak in from the outside. But in the end it open on nothing. Just the blank wall from the neighbor building. It's kind of clever, he think. No one could peak through the window but the wite facade reflect easily the rays of the sun, lighting the room perfectly. Without it, he thinks it might be just too dark.

“Are you disappointed you didn't find corpses yet?” Lucifer smirks. Castiel just glares at him, and Lucifer's smile widens. “Hey, take your time. I don't mind just watching you.”

Well, shit. He really has to stop thinking too much about those comment that really looks like flirtation. He goes straight for the desk where stacks of paper are accumulating. He can see that most of them are researches on, well, _him_. Where he lived, where he came from, who he talked to, places he went to. A chill runs down his spine. He's so fucking close from being discovered.

“Aw, come on! You know it kind of hurts, knowing you're just calling me “Study 1”?”

Castiel freezes. How? Did he found his way into his phone somehow? Shit. Shit! He runs to get his phone when he sees Lucifer just fumbling with it across the room. Ho, yes, right... this Meg woman stole it from him.

He sighs. “Great. I will have to buy a new phone now.”

“Ho don't be over dramatic!” Lucifer stand up, walking to Castiel. “You know I'm being honest with you.”

Castiel doesn't reply anything, but takes a few steps back. He didn't know, for sure. To think the truth, he tried not to think too much about him. If he finds he is an actual decent person... If he stops convincing himself that Lucifer isn't some sort of blood thirsty monster but an actual human with feelings, he might want to have something with him. He can't let himself have those sorts of feelings. Not in those times.

“Urhh... fine. You can go now.” Castiel looks at him and, for the first time, there is no sign of a single smile on his face. “I promise” He raises his hand before him. “the Darkness will leave you alone.” He falls back down in his armchair.

“I could go.” The detective stares at Lucifer.

“This is what is just said, yes.”

“And all this would be over. I wouldn’t hear from you again.” He insists.

“Yeah...?” Lucifer raises his eyes to meet Castiel's. But he seems kind of doubtful. And that is the moment Castiel understands this is way too late for him.

“Though... I am still standing here.”

“Yes, you are.” He remarks, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

“This is a choice I am doing.” When he pronounce these words, he thinks he gets their double meanings. He is making this conscious choice of still trying to reach to Lucifer, and he isn't sure if he could control anything after that. He guesses, what could be one more trouble in his situation.

“Are you for real?” Lucifer rolls his eyes but is smiling brightly, and it makes Castiel's heart react in a way he hoped it wouldn't.

“You said you wanted to hear about these things. And now is a time as good as any other.”

“Fine, but I don't see the link here.”

“I am offered a choice, something on someone is insisting I should do. Namely, going away. But when I think about it, another option is given to me. Not listening to that person and doing something else, of the type of staying. You see, two simple actions.”

Lucifer stares at him but nods, waiting for his point. He doesn't smile anymore once again, but only because he seems so concentrated.

“I know you think it's stupid because the situation is definitely not the same. But really, it's just a matter of scales. Of the two choices, not one seems to be the good one. Either I follow what is given to me, I go and I know what will happen, but I know I won't... get any feeling of accomplishment from it. Or I can choose to try something else by myself, something I don't know what it would lead to, and would need a lot more efforts, but I know will be mine.”

“Ha, yes. But... It's more complicated than that...”

“It was the exact same thing when I had to watch over Dean Winchester. It didn't seem like I had any choice. I just had to follow the course that was traced by my superior. But it wasn't something I believed in. I made myself another option.”

Lucifer stays silent for a moment, and Castiel is wondering if it was really wise to talk about the elder Winchester.

“I guess you have a point. But let me stop you right here; I do believe in my destiny.”

“Do you? Really? Was it not something someone else put inside your head?”

Lucifer laughs once again, but dismisses the question. “Well, we're making progress... can't you feel the breakthrough?”

Castiel narrows his eyes. He'd wished Lucifer answered his question, or just think about it. Maybe it was too much to ask yet. “Somehow, yes...”

When he goes home, the time he just spent with Lucifer just keeps repeating in his head. He could have done things differently, make them go more smoothly. He knew he could have been better than this. Or at least, he hoped so. He did made a choice, though... when he had an opening, a way out of this.

He just didn't feel like leaving this yet. He didn't see himself just dropping the case, leaving Lucifer. If he had no other acquaintances apart from him, and really wanted him to be his friend, why would he leave? Especially after seeing that expression on his face...

His phone buzzes and he reads the messages he just received from Lucifer.

Castiel just wanted to spend a little more time with him.


	6. End of the Game

It is already after noon.

Castiel takes time to take in the decoration of the place. He really can't understand why Lucifer want to keep hanging out in Five Swans. After the fourth time, he starts getting sick of the smell of the grease. And the food isn't that good here. He looks down on his cup of black coffee, and when he raises his head, he notices Lucifer's henchmen are watching them from the table next to theirs. He's had had more comfortable times.

“ Holtom street, number 13, fourth floor” Lucifer just declares.

It's enough for Castiel to immediately realize. He widens his eyes and turns to Lucifer. Seeing his cocky smile, he sighs. “I guess you won, then...”

Lucifer turns to him and shrugs. “I think I lost the moment I offered you a way out.”

“And did you find anything interesting?”

“...You still think I would?” Castiel frowns, so Lucifer explains. “I didn't look.”

Castiel raises an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Yes. I told you it was only a game. I can respect your privacy.”

The detective looks back at his cup of coffee, still steaming. So where does that leave him exactly? He really thought Lucifer was using him to get information about the Winchesters. And even if he likes to think his material is well hidden in his place, he's sure that with a little bit of time, Lucifer could find it. But if he didn't even look, maybe from the beginning he was telling the truth. He was only interested in... him.

“I would take much more of you letting me in.”

Castiel can only chuckle, not really knowing how to answer. “ Right.”

B ut Lucifer is extremely serious. “Ho you will, Castiel. The game is on.”

Castiel turns to his friend and raises his eyebrows. “Ho... ho no...”

He doesn't feel like going into another fight of will with Lucifer, since they both seem pretty stubborn. And also, maybe, because he feels like one day, he would actually enjoy giving a tour of his apartment to Lucifer.

“So anyway...” He tries to change the subject of conversation, steering his coffee. Coffee that definitely isn't very good. “Why do you keep on coming to this place?”

“Where else would I go?”

Castiel shrugs.

“No, seriously. Where else? It's about the only place I know here.”

Cas slowly turn to him. “Seriously?”

“ I don't know a lot of  _ nice places.”  _ Lucifer insist on the nice part. _   
_

Castiel slowly realizes, and looks down at his coffee. “I could still try to show you.” Lucifer grins at him, and Cas blushes. “What.”

“Nothing. It's a nice idea.”

So, mentally, and without being able to stop himself, Castiel immediately makes a list of nice places he could take Lucifer to. It wouldn't be anything like a date, of course not. It would just be... to try to show him that there are other things than his... “destiny”.

Lucifer chuckles once again. So Cas blushes and drinks his coffee to hide it, but Lucifer keeps on gazing at him. “What?” He asks once again.

“You seem so enthusiastic about this.”

“W... Well... it's just that...”

“Hey, I'm not asking of you to justify yourself. I'm just noticing.” Lucifer's smile widens. “I think it's rubbing on me.”

“So... what do you usually do? That I don't try to introduce you to something you already mastered.”

“Do as in...?”

“Hum... places you went to, things you experienced...”

“Abandoned warehouses and places of influence, leading the mob.”

“No, I mean... You didn't experienced anything when you were a teenager?”

“Ho, right! Well...” Lucifer rubs his chin, thinking. “Heists, murders, torture... and... drugs. Dealing and taking. I also learned how to-”

“Wow, no! Ho, God...” He shakes his head. “That's not what I meant. At all.”

Castiel thinks about what Lucifer lived in his childhood and it sends shivers down his spine. How did he became like this, since this very young age? It terrifies him to hear it. Drugs, murders, torture? He can't say he's lived the purest of lives, but these are pretty life damaging activities. So to know Lucifer lived all of these when he was only a teenager...

“I meant... What kind of music you liked? Movies? Did you have any hobbies?”

“Ha... Not really. I thought it was a waste of time when I could just go out and, you now, do _stuff_.”

Lucifer looks into his eyes, confused and doubtful. It feels like he is looking for answers in Castiel's blue gaze and the detective isn't sure if he can bear that responsibility. He stands up. “I think I have many things to show you.” He states, emptying his cup of coffee.

Lucifer grins. “Ho, I'm sure of it.” He stands up too, and makes a movement of his head to the members of the Darkness who were about to stand up too.

Castiel takes his empty mug back to the bar, and when he is about to pull out his money, he feels two hands rest on his arms. From behind him Lucifer says. “These gentlemen will pay for it.” The waitress only nods, and Lucifer guides Castiel out of Five Swans.

“So... where to?” He asks, and Castiel swears he could see sparkles in his clear eyes.

“I guess my enthusiasm got the best of you.”

“It did indeed.”

“Okay, so... there is a place I like to go... But it's not-”

“Ha ha. I don't want to hear more of it. Just take me there.”

“Fine.” Castiel smiles. “But we will need a ride.”

“No problem.” Lucifer looks around, and his gaze stops on an old car parked not so far.

Castiel understands and grab his arm. “Not a stolen one.”

Lucifer stares at him but finally raises his hands in front of him in a sign of surrender. “Fine, we'll do it your way.”

Castiel looks around, wondering if he could catch a bus. Is there even a bus that goes there? Probably. But then he doesn't know where to take it from. Or maybe he could catch a cab. Does he even have enough money to pay for a cab?

“Azazel, it's me. Come lend me your car.” Castiel hear and when he turns around, he sees Lucifer hang up his phone. “Our drive is coming.”

Castiel frowns. He knows this name. “Azazel, he's...”

“Yeah, he has to be my most loyal man. I know he will never refuse anything from me.”

This is not what he meant, at all. He knows he heard this name from the Winchesters. “he is the one who killed Mary Winchester.”

“Ho...” Lucifer frowns. “ho yeah! He is.” He realizes, and that only makes him smile. Castiel, on his side, doesn't smile at all. “Aw... come on... he isn't so bad once you get to know him. You know he did it only because it was his destiny? He had no other choices. Without that, Sam would never come to me.”

Castiel is still thinking. He was just... he sort of forgot what type of situation he was in. This is upsetting.

Lucifer frowns. “Okay, I get it... This is a sensitive subject.”

“A subject that needs to be addressed, though...”

Lucifer looks at him with interest. “Well, yeah... I did bad things that hurt people you care about. I'm sorry if somehow it affected you.” He apologizes, and Castiel looks at him with wide eyes. “But I know that all I did is only to save this city. The Winchester family, Michael and me... We're only collateral damages for a brighter future.”

“What are you talking about?” Castiel insists. This is worrying. Why would he talk like that? What kind of brighter future? Is he really considering himself as a simple collateral damage? When he thought he was starting to see the bottom of it, more and more questions are accumulating.

They are interrupted by a car parking right in front of them. A dark gray car of a generic model, very unnoticeable. A man gets out, he seems to be in his mid forties, with gray hair and... yellow eyes. Probably lens, to scare people or something like this. And Castiel can't stop looking at them. Though the man doesn't seem to care at all.

“Lucifer” He says. “Do you need any help?”

“No thanks, we just needed a ride.”

Azazel finally seems to notice Castiel and looks at him with... somewhat distrust. “I could drive you.”

Lucifer looks at Castiel, asking silently. The detective wonders how he could think this would be a good idea. The last time he was in a car driven by a demon, he was terrified for his life. And the fact that the demon would be Azazel is even worst. Somehow, he seems more dangerous than even Lucifer. But thinking about it, Lucifer seems to trust Azazel, and he guesses he could see the appeal of just the two of them on the backseat while someone else worries about the traffic. Wait, no, no he doesn't.

“It's fine, I know where I want to go. And you would probably only wait for too long for us.” He explains.

Azazel turns to Lucifer, who nods. The yellow-eyed man's volunteer bows before his leader's decision. “Very well. Just call if you need anything.”

“Sure.” Lucifer says before looking at Castiel. He opens the passenger door and climbs just like the car belonged to him. The detective doesn't really think he does, he even doubt Azazel does. But he guesses that he took it years ago, somewhat making it his.

So he guesses he drives, and seats in the driving seat. He takes them to a park 15minutes away from Dethew. It is not particularly incredible and marvelous, but it's natural and Castiel likes it. He hopes Lucifer will like it too. When they get there, he doesn't say anything, just looks all around. So Castiel decides that he is just going to wait for a reaction. There is a little path of dirt going into the woods. Castiel leads Lucifer through it. It gets then on the sides of a little lake, with dark water. In the middle of November, he didn't expect anything best. But for some reasons, he prefers the autumnal look of thing.

There is a bench snuggled between two trees. They sit there, and watch in silence, listening to the sound of the water and the birds in the trees, straight contrast with the sound of the city and its traffic.

“So, what do you think?” Castiel finally breaks.

“It's very... peaceful” Lucifer answers, with some wonder in his voice. And Castiel can't help but be captivated.

“You've never been in the great outside?”

“Not that kind of outside. It feels so pure.” He closes his eyes and breezes in, and Castiel can't help but stare. When Lucifer opens his eyes and notices it, his cheeks take a pink shade. “What?”

“Nothing.” Castiel says, before quickly looking away. “I wasn't sure you would like it.”

“ho no, I love it.” Lucifer grins, and Castiel's heart beats a little louder in his chest. “I think this place suits you.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don't know, you just... It seems like your kind of environment. Now that I'm here it's not surprising that it's one of your favorite place.”

“I guess... I come here often, to think, to be at peace.” Lucifer nods, but keep on staring at him. Castiel feels the need to fill the silence. “So... is there something you'd like to do next?”

“We've only just came here. Lets enjoy it a little, don't you agree?” He leans back on the bench, making himself more comfortable.

“Hum... I guess...”

“Unless.” Lucifer raises an eyebrow. “You have something in mind.”

Why does it sound like an invitation? Castiel isn't sure, maybe it's just him. Dammit. Damn his mind, damn his attraction, damn his feelings. He pulls out his phone, his real one. Not the one with which he calls Lucifer. His friend looks at it with interest, as Castiel pulls out his headphones. He crosses Lucifer's gaze. “I guess... we could listen to some music.”

Lucifer shrugs. “I never took time to appreciate music, but sure, if you want.”

Castiel hands him one of his headphones, which Lucifer takes while he looks through his downloaded songs. “Isn't there a particular style you prefer?”

“As I said before,” He explains while putting the headphone in his right ear. “I don't really listen to music, so no.”

Castiel nods and decides then to just put the ones he listened to recently. The first song that plays it Paint it Black from the Rolling Stones. He feels then the need to justify. “I don't listen to a lot of recent songs.”

“That's fine.” Lucifer replies.

They listen in silence to the melody and lyrics, and he almost looses himself in the music. He believe it is just so... captivating. Being on this bench, in this place and Lucifer next to him, it might be one of the best way to spend his time. The song ends.

“Well... that was intense.” Lucifer declares.

“You didn't know it.” Castiel sighs. He knows Lucifer never took time to just enjoy music but it still surprises him. This song is a classic. He suddenly feels a little nervous. “Did you like it?”

Lucifer turns to him. “I can understand why people listen to it, yes. Do you have others?”

Castiel can feel a little smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, and he puts on the next song.

The play-list goes on. -Always somewhere, Scorpion -Wish you were here, Pink Floyd -So far away, Dire Straits -Back to Black, Amy Whinehouse

Lucifer turns to Castiel. “Is there someone you are missing?”

Castiel is taken aback by the sudden question, and doesn't really know why he feels suddenly hot. “Hm... Wh-Why would you ask this?”

“From the songs you listen to, it seems to have a recurring theme.” He stares at him seeming very interested by his answer.

Castiel looks back at his feet. “I suppose I do.”

Lucifer Just looks at him, with the same interest, but for an unknown reason, he doesn't insist. Maybe he just understood what was going through his mind, or maybe he didn't want to hear things he might not like. “What is your favorite type?”

Castiel raises his head and looks at him. “I guess it would be blues.”

“Then bring it on.” He grins and leans back. Castiel just obeys.

As time passes, in a place so peaceful, their body relax and they slide down a little bit on the bench. Their shoulder end up pressed together. Castiel thinks Lucifer isn't pushing away only to prevent the headphones from dropping from their ears.

He tries his best to keep his head from falling backward, but Lucifer isn't that considerate. He completely lets the tension leave his body and his head end up resting on his shoulder. He knows he's probably just tired, considering his rhythm of sleep, but still can't stop but wonder if he did it on purpose, and his heart pounds a little louder than usual as he lets his own head rest against the blond one that his lying on him.

They part away a little bit before the night comes, and they figure out that Lucifer's type is about anything that is coming from Rock'n'roll. Even the most alternative ones, such as Massive Attack, that Castiel found in the depths of his repertoire.

The time they spent together was comfortable, and it seemed like everything else just went away. He felt so good around Lucifer, not at all how he should feel in the presence of the head of the mob.

He  found with a little of surprise that no warmth  was coming at all from Lucifer. He has to say that they  were only touching through clothing, but the contact  was still real.  Almost all of their side were touching and a part of him just wanted to pass his arms around the other body to try to warm it a little bit. 

The sane part of his mind quickly pushed the idea away, but it was still there, somewhere.


	7. Dreamer

Study one:

_So, what are your plans for today?_

 

Castiel has been staring at that text for many minutes now. Not for the nature of it, but because he is bugged by something. He knows it's Lucifer texting him, but it doesn't feel right anymore to nickname him this way, only by “Study one”. He doesn't really know what it means about his feelings but he figures that, he is already well fucked up.

He goes into his contact, that only has two number. One is Study one and the other is just, Meg. He changes the name of the first one them, and hesitates a moment before only calling him “Lucifer.” Looking back at his messages, he thinks that's more like it. It feel much more comfortable this way.

 

You:

_I don't have plans. Did you have any ideas?_

 

Lucifer:

_What was the other step in your plan already?_

 

You:

_Come on Lucifer. There is no “plan”._

 

Lucifer:

_No, but what were you talking about? That people usually like? Wasn't it movies and hobbies?_

 

You:

_If you knew, why even bother asking?_

 

Lucifer:

_So anyway today I walked by this advert on the cinema. They hold some sort of “epic classic movie festival” today. It's the kind of thing, right?_

 

Castiel starts thinking, too much, damn him. Hanging out to the cinema, to watch movies together. It sounds like some sort of date. Of course he would never think anything of it if he didn't have any attraction toward Lucifer but, apparently, fate had decided to be a bitch with him. Not that he believed in fate. It was just a saying. His subconscious had decided to be a bitch.

 

You:

_Yes, it is. It sounds good._

 

Lucifer:

_So should I come pick you up? ;)_

 

Castiel rolls his eyes. Lucifer is just so proud and smug about the fact that he knows where he lives. It's a little bit awkward by times. And even if he knows the location, Castiel still don't feel like leading him here, inviting him.

 

You:

_We can meet there. Just tell me the place._

 

Lucifer:

_I understood it was an all day long kind of event. But spending the whole day in a dark room seems a little too much. We should probably do something else of our day._

 

The detective can already smell the flavors of cheap grease. He's not sure he could take it so many days in a row, without the risk of throwing up. He almost forgot what good coffee tasted like. Apart from the one he made himself this morning.

 

You:

_I should probably show you what good food is._

 

Lucifer:

_I'm in._

 

He only realizes what he implicated. He didn't notice how it sounded like an invitation until Lucifer accepted it. Now it definitely sounds like a pure and simple date. Diner and movie. Why not bring him home right after. He really hates himself by moment. But he's not just going to tell Lucifer it was only a joke because, somehow, he really wanted to take him somewhere nice to eat.

 

You:

_Let's meet at 1p.m. Down the main street._

 

So they keep on texting until the time has come for Castiel to go if he doesn't want to be late for his not-date. He arrives a little bit earlier but Lucifer is already there, smiling broadly when he notices him. His smile must be contagious because Castiel can't help but grin, too.

He's still the exact same, with his messy blond hair, his light blue eyes, his unshaven beard and his clothes that all seems the same. Worn out jeans, white tee-shirt and random shirt just thrown on top of it, banal clothes to appear like a normal person in the crowd. If they knew... the though makes Castiel's smile turn a little bit smug.

“What's that?” Lucifer asks.

“Nothing. Just, you know, hanging around with my pal Lucifer.”

“Right.” Lucifer rolls his eyes but still smirks. “So, where is the food?”

“Follow me.”

Castiel leads them in front of a little restaurant. From the outside, it doesn't seem like anything, but he knows the food here is of quality, and until now he's never been disappointed in one of their dishes.

“Tupitu's?” Lucifer reads the sign with the name of the restaurant.

“I thinks the creator and chief comes from Chili. His food is really good.” Castiel explains as he pushes open the door.

They are immediately welcomed by the smell of food, but nothing comparable to the one of Five Swans. This one smells like actual fresh ingredients and spices. Enough to make his mouth water. When he turns around, he sees Lucifer is just taking in the smell and visibly appreciating it.

“Hm... okay, yeah...” Lucifer breathes, visibly stunned by the smell only.

Castiel can only grin in pride. A waitress with tan skin and two dark braids comes to welcome them and guide them to a table for two, against a window that faces the street on the side of the restaurant. It's not the best view but it's not why they are here. She gives them their menus and walks away.

“Table service.” Lucifer notices. “That's fancy.”

“It's really not.” Castiel smiles a little bit, reading his choices. Immediately, his eyes are drawn to the burger choices. He can't remember the last time he ate a good hamburger, and right now it's almost everything he wants. He raises his eyes to look at Lucifer, who is once again staring at him. “What are you going to order?” He asks.

“I'm not sure... I should probably try their specialty. “Tupitu's chili con carne”.” He read on the menu.

“It's spicy.” Castiel feels the need to precise, to avoid any unpleasant surprise.

Lucifer shrugs. “Maybe I'll like spicy.”

Castiel stares at him a moment, as he slowly remember that no one took time to show Lucifer different dishes. He probably just eats anything that is proposed to him without thinking much of it. And if he eat all his meals at Five Swans, he is afraid his taste-buds are dead, or will be because of the striking contrast with Tupitu's spicy chili.

“What's on your mind?”

“Nothing.” Castiel shakes his head. “I think I'll take the hamburger.” It's a safe choice, he knows. In case Lucifer can't handle the spices, he could always share his burger with him. He really wouldn't mind.

The waitress comes back, takes their orders and the menus back before telling them she will come back with their dishes. They spend their times with small talks. They quickly gravitate around Castiel, because Lucifer doesn't have much to tell about the place where he grew up or the things he studied in college, since he never really lived the Dethew's peripheral and dropped out of school at an early age.

Finally, their dishes are served.

“Ha! Dammit!” Lucifer closes his eyes and shakes his hand while the other is in front of his mouth, probably to muffle his cries.

Castiel immediately hands him a slice of bread to ease his pain. He thinks he's never seen eyes water that fast, and suddenly understand with panic that he is about to see Lucifer cry. Sure, it's not from sadness but... there are still tears.

Lucifer breathes in, and seems to calm down. He breathes out and gulp down his glass of water. “It's fucking hot.”

“You don't like it.” Castiel sates.

“No, no I actually like it.”

“Really.” He raises an eyebrow.

“Really. I guess I like hot things. And beyond the pain there something really good to enjoy.” Lucifer explains, before taking some more food to prove his point. Even if he likes it, he can't stop his face from going red and scrunching a little bit, just as Castiel can't help but chuckle at the sight. “Quit laughing at me.” Lucifer complain after swallowing, and the detective can't tell if he is blushing behind the colors the spices gave to his face.

“I'm not laughing at you.” He smiles, and manages just in time to prevent the words _“I just think you are adorable”_ from escaping his mouth. This is not something one would safely say to the leader of the Darkness.

In the end he is well happy to eat his hamburger and fries. As always it's delicious, and he thinks Lucifer truly did enjoy his food, too. Maybe for the first time in his life.

 

They arrive at the cinema just when the projection of "Planet of the Apes" ends. The Dethew Cinema Complex isn't very big, and is nothing like a complex either. There are merely two projection rooms which can welcome less then forty people. But Castiel thinks this kind of commerce is very important in cities as damaged at Dethew. It allows people from disconnecting reality and actually enjoy something. This tiny festival is definitely a good idea.

Maybe the best thing about it is that that they only have to pay the entrance, a little bit more than a ticket for one movie, and they can stay the whole time of the festival. So they have many choices to make, and Castiel doesn't want to chose for Lucifer, but Lucifer can't choose because he knows absolutely nothing about movies.

Finally Castiel lets himself be taken in the movement of the people there and they end up watching "The Fifth Element". He thinks it's a good movie anyway, he just hopes Lucifer will enjoy it.

Nothing much happens during the movie, expect, well, the plot. At the end of the projection, the light comes back and he turns to Lucifer with expecting eyes.

“That was nice. Those people know how to keep you interested for the whole time.” Lucifer stated, already knowing what Castiel was about to say.

“So you enjoyed it?”

“I did. Though I don't think it's good enough to-”

He is interrupted by the voice of the manager announcing they will be projecting "Star Wars" next in this room and "Schindlers List" in the other room. And Lucifer just smiles.

“What is so funny?” Castiel asks.

“They made a movie about stars fighting against each other?” He smirks, obviously mockingly.

“That's... not really the plot. At all. And it's actually a trilogy.”

“They made three movies about it?”

“And a prequel trilogy. And a new trilogy is coming out, and there's another movie, too. It's an epic story about resistance, destiny and balance.” Castiel explain, keeping his tone serious. “Do you want to watch it?”

“Why not? Unless you want to watch the other movie?”

Castiel pursues his lips. “I'd rather not.”

 

They get caught by the time and when the cinema closes, they are left in the night, outside. Castiel didn't think they would be caught by something as time consuming as doing a marathon of Star Wars. He just hopes Lucifer did have a good time too.

“I didn't think we actually would spend our day in here.” He says.

When he hears no replies, he turns around. Lucifer is there, but not really paying attention. His face is turned to the sky and he stares straight ahead, captivated. Castiel too is captivated, by the scene in front of him. In this situation, with this expression, Lucifer looks so pure.

“The moon is shining so brightly...” He breathes.

Castiel takes a few steps to be next to him and follows his gaze to look up at the moon, shining nearly enough to light up the street without the street lamps. “I suppose the sky is clear.” He comments.

But it actually is, and the night is really nice. Looking back at the expression of wonder on Lucifer's face, he feels a tug in his heart, and an idea pops inside his head. A stupid idea. “We could go stargazing.”

But the expecting look Lucifer gives him in response is worth the trouble all of this will give him. They “get” a car, which was unlocked, parked in the street. Lucifer tells Castiel it's probably already stolen, but finally concedes on bringing it back to the exact same place when they get back.

Castiel drives them off, to the same park they went to days before. The park isn't very well known, and so it's absolutely desert at this time of the night. They walk through the darkness, to the place they were resting on the bench in front of the lake. Lucifer looks up and without the city light, the stars are a magnificent painting to look at.

But Castiel gets a better idea and leads them a little further away, on top of a little hill. They lie down, a little close to the liking of his heartbeat regular rhythm. He stays the most immobile possible, his arms the long of his body, taking in the atmosphere of the calm night and immensity before his eyes. By his side, Lucifer shifts a little and folds his arms under his head.

“I've never took time to... stargaze.” He breaks the silence.

Castiel turns his face to look at him. He doesn't know what to say for a moment, just hypnotized by the shape of Lucifer's profile and his white skin detaching from to obscurity. Then Lucifer looks back at him, he snaps out of his own completely different stargazing.

“I thought... with your range of activity and sleep schedule, that you'd spend a lot of time outside during the night.”

“True.” Lucifer smirks. “But you tend to keep your eyes on the field if you want to stay operational. It's not a really good thing for a criminal to have his head in the clouds.”

Criminal... Right, this is what he is. The Head of the mob. God, what he he even doing? Taking him out to stargaze? He raises up, sitting straight on the grass. Wait, no. Lucifer is his friend. He is worthy of some trust, he thinks. So far, he hasn't tried anything...

A hand is placed on his, and he turns to see Lucifer is sitting with him with a concerned look on his face. “Is every thing alright?” He questions. All Castiel does to answer him is a weak nod. Lucifer frowns. “It's about what I just said. Because I'm the head of the mob and you are trying to protect two big targets of the city, right? What, you feel guilty?

Castiel closes his eyes, and bites his lower lip. “That's not it...” He can't find a way to put it in words. He can't tell him that he doesn't like that it's so easy to trust him. And he can't ever possibly picture himself confessing his feelings, that he is still trying to hold back.

“Then what is it?” Lucifer asks, determined to understand. Castiel has to ability to think it's kind of funny. The table turned. Now it's Lucifer who is trying to figure him out. But when he meets those eyes, he just... He can't just leave him like that.

“I don't know… It seems… not correct. So many thing are happening and I feel like. I shouldn't. I _really_ shouldn't. It doesn't seem fair for all the people around me.” He tries to explain. He knows it's very evasive.

But apparently it's enough for Lucifer to understand because he just sighs. “Now that's stupid. You can have things for yourself, sometimes. _Especially_ with every thing that is happening. You deserve something that makes you feel good, and only you. Your little personal thing.” To empathize his point, he squeezes his hand.

And maybe he is right. It would be so easy, to accept this truth and have something that he could appreciate, outside of all those complications, this civil war going on. He thinks back to their time shared together and he knows during the time they spent together, all the rest seems so far away. Furthermore, Lucifer is just offering it to him. Something where they would forget what they are, head of the mob, private detective, and just be _them_ , … He isn't sure what they are.

Castiel feels something cold on his hand, and he only realizes that this is Lucifer's hand. He brings his free hand to put it on top of Lucifer's and he notices that it is cold and slightly trembling. He guesses the night is pretty cold. He didn't feel it because he's always so dressed up, with his shirt, undershirt, suit jacket and trench-coat. But Lucifer is freezing. The detective is amazed that he hasn't said anything, or complained.

He takes of his trench-coat to pass it around Lucifer's shoulders to try to warm him a little bit. Lucifer suddenly turns to him with a look he never saw on him. It makes him feel... itchy. With this calm all around, the feeling they're the only one on Earth, the moon lighting Lucifer's face in a way that make him look so vulnerable with his trench-coat around him, Castiel feels a push deep inside his hear. He just wants to kiss him. That's bad. Real bad.

“What? No one ever made sure you were warn enough before?” He tries to dismiss.

Lucifer adverts his eyes, and Castiel's heart clenches. He knows he hit home and he hates it. He isn't even sure Lucifer cares about his own well being, or simply his more primary comfort as if he feels too cold or too hot.

“It's just... You were freezing and-”

“No,” Lucifer interrupts him. “Thank you, I appreciate your attention.” Lucifer smiles as he tugs a little at the trench-coat to place it correctly around his shoulders, as to not let it fall at his first movement.

Lucifer seems so lost when it comes to himself, he never received any proper care when he was a child. He never talked about it but it wasn't hard connecting the dots. Castiel only wishes he could do more.

 

They go home about an hour later, only enjoying the presence of the other and the sight that was offered to them.

Later that night, Castiel wakes up at an hour that is way too early for his liking. He understands after a minute that it's because his phone is ringing. Not his normal phone though. It stops ringing before he can reach it. He raises up with panic before it rings again and he picks up immediately.

“Wha-”

“ _Castiel, hey..._ ” Comes the voice of Lucifer.

“Lucifer what's happening?”

“ _I'm-I'm sorry I woke you up._ ”

His voice is particularly shaky and weak. Castiel doesn't know why but he feels the need to do anything to make him feel a little bit better. “It's fine. I wasn't sleeping anyway.”

“ _You're such a bad liar_.”

He can hear the smile in his voice and that only seems like a victory. “What is happening.”

“ _It's just... you..._ ” He sighs. “ _Since you've started to talk to me about those things I... There are things that come back to me..._ ”

He seems truly wrong again and Castiel becomes more and more worried. “Do you want to talk about it?”

There is a silence, and the detective is about to gather his clothes to go find him. “ _Just hearing your voice will do for now._ ”

There is a moment of silence, during which he just doesn't know what to say. He didn't know Lucifer saw him like this. Like what exactly? He really doesn't know when it come to the leader of the Darkness. He guesses... some sort of support?

“ _Texting is good and all but, I like your voice. Just... keep talking._ ”

“Hum... th-thanks... Then maybe we could call more often, instead of texting. How does that sound to you?”

“ _Good. It sound good._ ” Lucifer stays unusually quiet and it's only worrying.

“You know, I was thinking about that thing we did today, and other ideas came into my mind. I was wondering if... Well, when I was younger, my brother took me to this place...”

He continues to fill the silence for both of them, talking about various, uninteresting things. But in the moment, it seems like it's the most important thing that was ever said to Lucifer. He notices after several minutes that his breathing is getting steadier, so he tries to start an actual discussion.

“Are you feeling better?”

“ _Much better, thanks to you._ ”

“You still don't want to talk about it?”

“ _Um..._ ” He can hear him breath a little harder through the line. “ _Nope, not really._ ”

“That's fine. I'm just glad I could help you.”

“ _Yes, you seem like an efficient cure against nightmares._ _Then I'm just going to let you_ _go back_ _to your_ _sleeping schedule. Thank you for talking me out of it._ ”

“Of course.” Castiel has just the time to say before Lucifer hangs up. He seemed in a hurry, and it lets Castiel wondering about the things he said, to the point that he has difficulties going back to sleep. Talking him out of what exactly? He thinks about another word he heard.

Nightmares...


	8. First Try

The next day, they decide to meet at the place Castiel's brother took him to when he was younger. He isn't sure if Lucifer is going to like it. He knows he loved it as a kid, and still enjoys going there in his free time, when he decides it's safe enough. But he knows it's not much. He brought it up in their discussion because he didn't know what to say and had to fill the silence for Lucifer, and then Lucifer insisted to go there.

It wouldn't distract Castiel though. He still wanted to discover the real reason of his call the night before this. He patiently waits for the head of the mob to show up, looking at the horizon, where the sea seems endless. He like to come here, it offers a really beautiful view, when it's not busy with dangerous people.

He can understand, why would Lucifer and Michael fight to have control over this city. If it wasn't crawling with criminals and gun fights at every turn, it would be a lovely city. There is everything in Dethew. It's a port city with its own airport, and enough resources. But a war had to take its roots in here. Castiel intended on discovering the entirety of what was really happening, and why.

“The docks?” He hears Lucifer say behind him. “That is what you wanted to show me?”

Castiel turns around to answer him, or only salute him, when someone slightly shoves into him. He doesn't say anything but is a little bit worried that Lucifer is going to get after him, noticing how he is glaring at the stranger's back. “I have to admit, it's a little crowded, considering it is market day.” He tries to get back his attention. “We might see a lot of people...”

Lucifer seems to snap out of it and looks at Castiel with a little smile. “Don't worry about me. No one know what I look like.”

“Ho, right...” Castiel nods, then starts walking. “But the docks were not really what I wanted to show you. They are pretty gross.” He says, glaring down at some trash thrown at the side of the walk. This is a real waste. They could be not so dirty. He shakes his head and looks up. Lucifer staring at him with a curious expression makes him feel a little smug. So he managed to make him curious. Castiel smirks. Finally, they reach the end of the walk, where the tall building is looming.

“An aquarium?” Lucifer raises an eyebrow. “That is what you wanted to show me?”

“Don't be so skeptical.” Castiel hits him with his elbow. “It is a very charming place.”

Castiel remembers when he was always so impressed by the variety of the sea animals he could find within those walls. He also likes the history of its creation. Many creatures run aground in the beaches around Dethew, and the founder, Johnathan Frigara decided to save them and put them in a place they could be safe.

Castiel takes his friend inside and gives him the tour, knowing about all there is to know about this place and the creatures it shelters.

“Alright” Lucifer says when they get out. “I admit I actually had a pretty decent time.”

“Decent?” Castiel repeats, looking at him. They slowly make their way to the end of the docks. “You were completely fascinted by my presentations and you seemed to love how the fishes kept on following you.”

“Well… Yes, that was amusing.” Lucifer laughs.

“What are you doing here? You have a lot of nerve to show your face in the middle of the day.”

The voice erupting behind them makes Castiel freeze. There is no doubt that it's addressed to them. So people did know how Lucifer looked like? He doesn't know how to get away easily with this kind of situation. But when he turns around, he is face to face with two of his former colleagues.

“Ho, euhm... hi Esther, hi Naomi...” He unconsciously takes a step forward trying to hide Lucifer from their sight. But they seem fully focused on him.

“You bastard!” Hester fumes. “You have no ideas what you betrayal did to our department, do you? What were you thinking allying with our biggest target??” She gets out her weapon, but is stopped by Naomi's hand in front of her.

“Castiel... How about you tell us were he is right now.” Naomi proposes, still pulling out her own gun.

Castiel inhales. He couldn't predict this. Well, he could know that about every one he knew would come after him because he is the only one who knows where the Winchesters are. But he sort of forgot it. And he hoped they wouldn't come after him because he thought he hid well his tracks. But he guesses, this is only bad luck. He just wishes he was confident they wouldn't start a shooting in a place so crowded. But really, he couldn't tell.

“Wait.” He takes a step back, putting a hand on his weapon. “We don't have to fight.”

“You traitor deserve no mercy!” Hester aims at him.

Before he has time to reply or defend himself, Castiel hears Someone tsk behind him. “Mind your language, whining brat.”

He hears the sound of a gun safety being removed and has just the time to see the canon of a gun in the corner of his eye. He quickly grabs the hand that holds it and pull it down to aim it at the ground  when the bullet is shot. Screams echoes around them and people start panicking.

“We have to go.” He turns to Lucifer, keeping his hand low. Lucifer only frowns in a confused way. But he hears Hester mumble something like you're going to pay for this and the panic of the crowd isn't going to cover them for long. Furthermore, he can't imagine what would happen if his former colleagues found out that the man who almost shot two police officers in a crowded street in the middle of the day to protect a former detective is actually Lucifer.

“Come on!” Castiel calls, pulling Lucifer by the grip he still has on his right hand.

He finally lets himself be pulled and they run in the closest street to try to outrun the police. They run in various streets, and Castiel forgets that he's still holding Lucifer's hand, much more preoccupied by the fact that they are followed. He thinks that if he runs to the less populated areas of the cities, things would be less dangerous and maybe they could defend themselves properly. So logically, his steps turn toward the peripheral of the city.

But in the end, they don't come to this. Somehow, probably with the panic and movement of the crowd and the fact that they never kept a straight direction, they manage to lose them. Their tracks lead them to the peripheral and they decide silently to keep on going to Lucifer's place. Castiel prefers to be absolutely sure though. They don't slow down.

 

When they arrive in Lucifer's office, they are laughing and slightly out of breath. Castiel closes the door and leans his back on it, taking back his breath. Lucifer falls down on his sofa, sighing yet still smiling broadly. “I have to say, it's the first time I had to run from something.”

Castiel laughs and stands up, walking to him. “There is nothing to be proud of.” He argues and lets himself fall on the sofa next to Lucifer. He miscalculate the distance, and practically crashes on his friend. He quickly pulls out, knowing his face has to be red. “My apologies.”

Lucifer turns to him with a devious smirks, and Castiel feels his head burn hotter. “Wh-What?”

He suddenly feels grabbed by the wrist and pulled to the other body. He loses his balance and the upper part of his body falls on Lucifer's lap. He knows that he is burning red by now. He looks up to him. “What... What was that for?”

Lucifer is still staring at him with a devilish look on his face, and stays silent. The detective doesn't know how to interpret this face, but many many ideas run inside his head. They are alone, in this position, lying on his lap...

Lucifer touches his nose. “boop!”

For a moment, Castiel only looks at him with bemusement, and suddenly he burst out laughing. Lucifer raises and eyebrow, still smirking. “Ho... Are you ticklish?”

Castiel can't really form coherent words because he's laughing too much. He definitely didn't see it coming and this can't be real, this is surreal. He shakes his head, at loss for voice, and throws his arm on his face to prevent Lucifer from seeing how hard he is blushing. Suddenly he feels something soft and cold run in his hair. Something that looks a lot like fingers.

“Castiel...” Lucifer calls.

He jerks away from the touch and falls down on the floor, not laughing anymore. He breathes for air. His face feels on fire. “What was that for?”

Lucifer shrugs. “I just felt like it.”

“urgh...” Castiel runs a hand on his face and slowly stands up, making a few steps away from the couch. “This is real torture...” He mutters.

“What is?” Lucifer asks, walking to him.

Castiel shakes his head, keeping his back turned to Lucifer. He has to find a way out of this situation. He can't stop his skin from tingling in the places Lucifer touched him. “Don't you want to talk about what happened last night?”

Lucifer squints his eyes. “...Nooo...” He articulates.

Castiel sighs. “It's alright. I understand if you don't trust me enough for this.”

“No, not at all.” Lucifer walks around him to be able to look at him. “It's not you I don't trust, it's-” He stops, and look down at the floor.

Understanding dawns on Castiel. “Lucifer.” He calls. Lucifer bites his lower lip. So Castiel puts his hands on his arms and tries again. “Lucifer.”

This time, he looks up to him. His eyes seems full of sadness and vulnerability and it makes Castiel's stomach twist. The head of the mob frowns. “Don't look at me like that.”

Castiel doesn't understand. He tilts his head. “Like what?”

“Like... Like that.” He insists, as if it would make more sense to only repeat what Castiel didn't understand.

“Fine.” He rolls his eyes, and looks behind Lucifer. He doesn't know how he mustn't look at him, so he might as well not look at him at all. His eyes are drawn to the library, but his hands hadn't left go of Lucifer's arms.

“I'll... be right back.” Lucifer says before getting off his grasp and walking away.

When he hears the sound of a door closing, Castiel decides it's a moment as good as any other to get his hands on these books that intrigued him since the first time he came in here. He walks to the library and gets the leather looking journal. Opening the front page, he discovers that they are in fact a certain Chuck Shurley's journals, depicting the only way for this city to have a better future. It is detailing a certain plan to make Dethew a perfect place where hurting would never exists.

But he understands that these are old writings and those ideas have nothing to do with Lucifer. First they don't seem like something he would think of, and second they are dated from around his birth date. Not that he knows how old he is exactly, but he's pretty sure Lucifer was still very young thirty years ago.

He starts to understand and the pieces fall back in place one by one.

“What are you staring at?” Castiel startles. He didn't hear Lucifer come back, and certainly not as close as this. His eyes fall on the journal Castiel still has in his hands, and Lucifer falls silent.

The detective understand something isn't right. He closes the journal and puts it back into place.

“Don't start that discussion again, please.” Lucifer asks, turning away and making a few steps.

Castiel sighs. “Or else you're afraid you will have more nightmares, right?” Lucifer sighs and falls down on the sofa. Castiel sits down next to him. “Lucifer… You are not fundamentally bad. You were never told how to be good.”

“Do you have a point or...?”

The fact that he doesn’t disagree with his last statement conforts him in his conclusion as much as it worries him. “It's just that... People are so wrong about you, the real you. If they only could see the truth... If I had seen the truth sooner...”

They stay silent for a moment, and Lucifer looks at him. “Well... it doesn't matter at all.”

Castiel frowns. “It kind of does, though...”

“No. It doesn't matter if other people don't think I'm worth efforts, for understanding or forgiveness or even second chances. Because you do.”

Castiel feels suddenly a warmth invading his whole body. A comforting and exciting warmth. His hopes are getting high, this is not good at all. He inhales and his heart is beating a little louder. “I c-... I can't...”

“What? What can't you?”

“It's... this, all of this. I just can't.”

Lucifer seems to think for a moment, seeming really worried about Castiel's problem. “You were taking about our friendship this time. Right?”

“Right. Our friendship.” Castiel squints.

“Well I don't know... you really think you don't deserve it?”

Castiel tilts his head and starts thinking. Does he deserve it? Does he really? He didn't really do anything. And he has so many other things to do. Things much more important than his huge crush on the head of the mob.

“You think I don't deserve it?” Lucifer insists.

“What? No! That's not-” Castiel begins to protests, but quickly stops. He sighs. “Ho, I see what you did there...”

Is this how Lucifer had been feeling? Of course, all this time, Castiel though only about him, how he felt and why he thought it wasn't a good idea. But there is Lucifer, too... If he wants it, and Castiel knows he deserves it, why would he refuse it to him. He meets his eyes and feels suddenly in a daring mood. He should act on it. If this is what Lucifer wants.

He slowly raises his hand, and puts it on his shoulder. He looks up to check on the blond, to see if he is alright with it. He only looks back with curiosity, so he guesses this is good. Castiel takes his free hand in his, squeezing it gently.

He then leans in.

“Woh” Lucifer stops him with hand on his shoulders. “Easy, there...”

“ho... ho no” Castiel's face is burning. He quickly pulls away. “Ho no I... completely misinterpreted the signals...”

“I think so, yes.” Lucifer only looks at him with a thin smile.

“Ho, God no...” He stands up, paces a bit and turns to Lucifer, still red. “But you said... you were interested in me... I thought...”

“No, it is true. I am interested in you. Just... not in that way. I was just attracted to you and wanted to be closer to you, that's all.”

Castiel frowns. “To me it sounds a lot like love interest.”

Lucifer pursues his lips. “I'm sorry... It's not that you are not attractive. I'm just unable to feel those kinds of feelings for anyone.”

What does that even mean? He can't feel those kind of feelings. He isn't sure of he can trust this declaration. It sounds like something one would say to preserve someone else's feelings. And it isn't very efficient. “... I have to go” Castiel walks to the door.

“Wait, no!” Lucifer calls, and somehow it makes him stop in his tracks. “Why would you go?”

“I'm... ashamed...” The detective tries to explain.

“Come on, Castiel, there's no reason to be. Come here” He goes sitting on the sofa and pats the place next to him. Castiel is just lost, and almost as afraid as the time he met Lucifer for the first time. He can't name one thing that would make his stay a good idea. “I swear, it doesn't change anything to me. If not, I'm really flattered to have such high place in your heart. But apart from that, it's all fine.”

“huh… hhhhh...” He tries to think, and wonders if these words are meant to reassure him. Because if they are, it's very inefficient. He practically bounces on his feet. “I need to go.” He repeats, turning to the door and taking the handle.

“But I want you to stay.” Lucifer insists, standing up.

Castiel feels something at those words, and wonders a moment if they would be enough to make him stay. If this is what Lucifer wants. For him to stay, and this only. He can see in the other man's face and position that he is starting to understand, even before himself. He is about to leave, despite anything the two of them desire.

“Goodbye Lucifer.” He says before turning and walking away, using all his will to prevent himself from looking back.


	9. I don't care of what is fair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi dudes,  
> This fanfic isn't dead, I'm just having trouble being satisfied with my writing, and the fact that I didn't give myself a schedule can't realy help.  
> But anyway, here's another chapter!

He’s been on edge all week.

Ever since Lucifer rejected his feelings, Castiel tried to erase him from his memory. Only tried. He could not stop himself from checking his messages. He always read the same one, the one Lucifer sent him the morning after their last encounter.

"Good morning Castiel."

But all he did was staring at it. He couldn’t answer. He couldn’t find anything fitting to say, his pride hurt and his confidence in his instinct took a huge hit. And it affects Castiel's trust in Lucifer. If having some sort of romantic intercourse with him was never his intently then what is? Every time he thinks about it, his body tenses and his mind goes somewhat blank. He just can't see any valuable reason.

Even though he knows he couldn’t fix anything that way, the thoughts haunt him. The moment he checks his phone for the fiftieth time this morning he understand that he must occupy himself with something else, completely irrelevant of Lucifer. Work. Work seems good. But the thing is that he doesn't have any job these days, apart from keeping the Winchester brothers safe.

So he plugs his radio on the police frequency. He still knows it by heart and apparently, they didn't feel the need to change it since he left his jobs there. He's waiting for something, anything that would occupy him. He sets the radio on the small table of the kitchen and sits right in front of it, chin resting on his joined hands. And he waits, for any call.

Castiel thinks, it could be long before any backup is called by some patrol car. He ought to find something else to do, like reading a book, cleaning his gun or something. Instead, his mind wanders. Usually, Lucifer is much more insistent. He remembers before they became... acquaintances, he used to text again and again until Castiel replied. He even threatened to blow up a building to make him react. But not this time. Since four days ago, he didn't send anything more than this “good morning” text.

Maybe Lucifer finally gave up. It can only be a good thing. But there Castiel is, still thinking about him.

“bzzt- aski- for backup...” The radio starts to blurt, in an unexpected occasion. “inz... intersection of holtom street and the fifth-...”

Castiel doesn't wait to hear for more. He just needs something to do. He knows he will be able to help in some ways. He is competent enough. He's lucky enough that the call is made from a place so close from where he lives. He will get there in two seconds. He grabs his gun, puts on his trench-coat and leaves his apartment.

 

The place is smoking when he gets there. The windows are shattered and he can't see inside because of all the smoke. Castiel stops and wonders a moment if it would really be useful to check in. All he can smell is the smell of burning wood and fumes. He puts his hand in front of his face and tries not to choke. Castiel quints his eyes, as if it would help him see beyond all the smoke. He can't see any light of a possible fire so he supposes this isn't as bad as it could be, but it doesn't help him understand what is going on. He probably should have listened to the rest of the call. He doesn't even know if there are people inside to save, or if this is a criminal act or just an accident.

His eyes land on the patrol car parked on the other side of the road. He inspects the rest of the scenery until he sees a young officer working to create a security perimeter. He decides to walks to him to ask about the basic information, even if he risks some weird glances. He still has his badge. It's always enough to get the information he needs.

But something catches his eyes, inside the smoking building. Something moving. There are people inside. Quickly thinking about what is the best thing to do, Castiel rushes inside what used to be a shop. He puts his arms in front of his nose and mouth and narrows his eyes, as a useless gesture to try to prevent the fumes to infect his body. It doesn't matter. He thinks he can make it before it gets dangerous for him. Even if he doesn't know how much it is dangerous since he doesn't know the exact nature of the smoke.

Castiel jumps inside by the open-because-broken window, ignoring the calls of the policeman outside. He just has to pull the person out, then he will think about the rest. But once inside, he starts to think that things may be more complicated than he initially thought. He can't see to more than two feet. He isn't sure if he is going to find the victim in here.

“Hello?” He calls. If he can't see, he can still try to direct himself with sounds. “Is there anyone still in here?”

But what he gets in reply is not really what he was expecting. He immediately ducks at the sound of shotguns. He stay down a moment, thinking about what is happening. Alright, so maybe he should have asked about the situation before diving in the smoke without protection. Well... He pulls out his gun, but he doubt it will be effective, since he can't see anything.

Castiel doesn't hear anything else after the sound of shootings. But he knows he can't make anymore noises. With some perspective, it wasn't very clever to call out. Now whoever is armed and dangerous inside knows he is here. He has to move, making as little noise as possible.

He grips his gun, gathering the courage to move, if only to get out of here. He doesn't even know if he can attack whoever is shooting. Maybe it's another officer who came to check on possible victims. He can't get in any trouble for shooting a member of the DPD. He has to go out, without hurting anyone. He still could investigate when things become a little bit clearer.

Castiel stands up, but has to duck right after at the sound of bullets ripping in the air. He swallows. So now he is the target. And the fact that the shooting became before a warning tells him that he is not against someone who only does his works. He can counter attack.

He breathes in, and out, and raises to his feet once again, this time aiming in the direction of the shooting. He almost drops his weapon.

In front of him, putting his weapon down with something that could only be seen as glee, is Lucifer.

As if the situation was perfectly normal, he grins. “Hey.”

Castiel narrows his eyes, trying not to cry because of the fumes going into his eyes. “Lucifer.” He growls.

“Fancy seeing you here.” Lucifer teases, but he is quickly called back to reality when other shots are heard. He ducks at the same time as Castiel, and somehow during this time he moves next to him.

Castiel stares at him, his mind racing to find some sort of explanation for what the hell is going on. “Don't tell me... You did whatever this is in my street just to get my attention?”

“What?” Lucifer turns his head to him with a frown, and yet wearing a slim smile. “The World doesn't resolves around you.” He says before standing up, aiming and firing.

Castiel hears someone shout and then he understand Lucifer got bulls-eyes. He shakes his head, trying to find another reason. But, well, he has someone to ask sitting right next to him. “Then why are you here?”

“For work.” Lucifer says, glancing toward him but soon returning his attention to the shootings.

“Work?” Castiel insists, but understands the moment the words are out. This is a hold up, or a robbery, or something like that. And somehow he has the guilty part right next to him and he does nothing to stop him. “Since when the head of the mob does the dirty job?”

“Since ever” Another shot. “At least in my team.”

“Team.” Castiel repeats. “So this is how you call it? And this? It's just a night out?”

“Would you please shut that pretty mouth of yours?” Lucifer snaps, and it's effective to make Castiel quiet. He turns to him, seeming to think back about his words. “You're giving away our position.”

Castiel suddenly realizes his mistake. He is supposed to be working, too. Just like Lucifer. Only not on the same side. He should put his gun against his forehead and arrest him. But the way he said it, it sounded just like they are in the same team. And it shouldn't feel as it feels. It should feel wrong, and bad, because he is not a criminal. Not the type of criminal Lucifer is. But his heart flutters when he realizes what his words implies, and he hates how he feels.

Because they clearly don't feel the same way. Maybe Castiel has feelings for Lucifer, and is the worst idiot for this, but those feelings are unrequited. Lucifer probably only takes him as granted, some sort of guarantee of things turn bad for him. So Castiel takes a deep breath, tries to gather his courage, and slowly, so slowly raises his weapon.

That’s the moment he sees it. Right behind Lucifer, something moving. Something with a human shape and holding out something that reflects the light. Castiel isn't sure why but the stress of the situation takes the best of him and without thinking, he shoots. 

Lucifer ducks out of reflex and when he understands that he is unharmed, he turns around. He takes in the picture of a policeman, lying on the ground, a shot wound in his chest. He slowly turns back to Castiel with a huge grin. “My, Castiel, you're becoming one of us…?”

Castiel doesn't reply. He can't. He stays petrified by what he's just done. He just shot a member of the DPD. And he is still holding the proofs. The gun, it’s powder lingering on his skin… he was going to threaten Lucifer but now he doesn’t even understand what he wanted to do after. He doesn’t understand any of his actions lately. He really didn’t need the murder of a police officer. He doesn’t need this attention.

He suddenly stands up, determined to run out of this situation as soon as possible. But he then faces a man with a bullet-proof vest aiming his gun at him.

“Freeze!” The man shouts. That is what Castiel does. “Hands up! And drop your weapon!” He doesn’t do it, or at least to slowly for the taste of the other man. Another member of the DPD, but this time visibly in the intervention department. He intends to explain himself with this one and not shoot him. But really, what is there to explain? 

And then the man sees the corpse of the policeman. Castiel feels really bad. Did they knew each other? How in Hell could he get out of this? When the armed man turns his attention back to him, he understands that he doesn’t get out of this.

Castiel ears the gunshot without seeing it, and also without feeling it. He understands rapidly that it because the policeman didn’t shoot at him but Lucifer shot right between his eyes. 

“Well…” He says, turning to Castiel with the same eternal grin. “I guess that you don’t have any choices but follow me now.” Castiel thinks he is pretty stupid for hesitating, especially when he starts hearing sirens closing in. He feels a hand closing on his wrist. “Run.” Lucifer whispers with something that could only be a smile of pure exhilaration. So he runs.

Lucifer leads him to the back of the shop, aiming for the staff exit. They throw things off in their run, as if it could stop bullets. Out of reflex they duck their heads when they hear gunshots, but they can’t determine who or what is the target through all the smoke. So much smoke, Castiel doesn’t understand where it comes from.

“How about your teammates?” Castiel pants when Lucifer let go of his hand to open the door and lock it behind them.

“They’ll be fine.” He dismisses, throwing the keys somewhere behind the garbage can stacked in the empty back street.

“How did you… how even”

“Sorry Castiel, but I'm not sure now is the time.” Lucifer interrupts him. “Shall we take this somewhere else?”

That seems to bring him back to his senses. There are still the sounds of the battle behind the door. He doesn’t know how many people are in there. The back street is connected to the main street but apparently the police doesn’t come to check every exits. He has a good opportunity to run away. 

“Thank you for covering me.”

“The same to you.” Lucifer smiles, as if a shooting wasn’t happening the other side of the door he was leaning on. Castiel gives him a grateful nod and starts to walk away from the shriek of the sirens in the main street. “Huh? Hey, wait! No! Castiel don't go away.”

He shakes his head but doesn’t stop. “I have no desire to be caught on the scene of a… whatever this was supposed to be, with the head of the mob.”

Castiel could hear his sigh from where he was. “It’s not because I didn’t return your feelings that we can’t be friends.”

Castiel flinches, but doesn’t stop. “Well you are just full of tact, are you not.”

“Castiel!” Lucifer calls, but doesn't seem to make any move to run after him or stop him. “Come back here.” He is almost out of the back street, almost out of his sight. “Don’t make me do something we will both regret!!”

It only sounds like a voice in the back of his head. Something distant, that makes the threat look even more distant. Still hearing the sound of shootings, though from a much more appreciated distance than before, he only hopes Lucifer will stay uninjured.

 

Castiel falls down on the chair of his kitchen, throwing his gun on the table, right in his view. This way, he can perfectly think again and again about this man he shot today. An innocent, only doing his job to stop criminal. And he shot him. He became what he tried to stop. 

He sighs and puts his head in his hands. How could he face Sam and Dean after what he’s done? Hiding his friendship with Lucifer is one thing, as well as keeping for himself his dirty feelings. But becoming part of this, taking his side against the forces of law, protecting him, running away from the crime scene with him, being clearly on his side…

Though, he figures he's been on his side for a long time, even if he didn't understand it when it happened. The moment he left him get away, stopped trying to destroy him, and started trying to understand him.

He shot a man to protect him. He killed a man for...

Four knocks on the door.

Castiel immediately grabs his gun and stands up, weary. He's not expecting anyone. But it might be anything. The police, people who might want to hurt him, the postman, the Winchesters who came back without warning because it would be safer, or his brother who loves way to much to come unannounced. Whatever it is, he walks to the door being as quiet as possible, and ready to defend himself.

He grabs the door handle, and opens the door just a fraction, only to take a glimpse of who is standing behind the door. He is only half surprised when he sees the familiar face of Lucifer. His stomach flips and he is assaulted by images of what happened less than an hour ago. The smoke, the shootings, the danger, the death...

He sighs and pushes the door closed but the movement is stopped by a surprisingly strong hold Lucifer puts on his side of the door. As if to apologize, he says. “I told you. Something we might both regret.”

Castiel then decides to stop pushing on the door, but isn't yet resolved to open it. “So you had to have me shooting a policeman before your eyes to decide to come? What do you want.”

Lucifer checks his surroundings, then looks back at Castiel and what is his flat behind him. “Would you mind letting me in?”

Castiel hesitates, looking at Lucifer then back in the room he made the living room and office. There are no files about the Winchesters out that Lucifer might find and, well, he already knows where he lives. He sighs and open the door wider, pushing himself out of the way. “Suit yourself.”

Lucifer smiles and nods, thanking him as he passes by him to walk into the place as if he owned it. Now that he thinks about it, Castiel figures that this is how he interacts with every thing. And he can't say that he doesn't like it, but in the moment it infuriates him, too. This kind of demeanor is the reason why he can't stay out of trouble, and most of the time even creates them.

His apartment is not much. It's only three rooms. One kitchen/dining room, one bathroom and one living room/bedroom. He sees Lucifer's eyes roam around and examine every thing he could get information of. The two small windows giving light and a view on the backstreet, his sofa, which become his bed at night, the small table that he uses to scatter his files on, which is now devoid of everything but the radio he used to catch on the information about the situation on that shop, and the two open arches which gives access to his kitchen.

That is all he can land his eyes on from where he decides to stand, and anyway he doesn't seem to be here to have a look around the propriety.

Castiel closes the door and walks towards him, repeating. “What do you want.”

It seems to make Lucifer upset, in a way, because he rolls his eyes. “I want you to stop being mad.”

“Mad.” Castiel repeats.

“Yes.” Lucifer insists. “Visibly you are troubled and I know it's because of what happened but... I really didn't want to hurt you. This” He waves his hand between the two of them, as if it made sense. “Is exactly what I wanted to not happen.”

Castiel tilts his head, trying to figure out what Lucifer is trying to say. He seems a bit more tense than usual. What he is saying is important, so he is doing his best to listen carefully. His words are sincere, and he doesn't think he had prepared any of this. He doesn't think he even thought about coming here. He just did, and that should guide Castiel on his path of understanding. But he is still too distracted by everything he is feeling right now. Confusion, regret, shame, fear.

“I like you Castiel. And I was happy when I understood what you really felt for me because I was sure it would only bring us closer. But it's the opposite of that now and I'd just like to know how... what I can do to undo it. I still want us to be friend like before. I don't want you to think of me the same way as before you actually met me.”

“What?” Castiel articulates, finally finding the words. “No Lucifer it's not-... Are you trying to apologize right now?”

“Well...” He seems to hesitate for only a fraction of second. “Yes, since I did something that upset you.” He says those words but is watching Castiel carefully at the same time, and getting less sure of himself seeing his face turning white right before his eyes.

Castiel shakes his head. “Lucifer, it's not you. You did nothing bad.” Flashes of the broken glass, the sirens of the police echoing in the street roam inside his head. “Well... Not to me. In my eyes you are not guilty.” He hears it again, a gun shooting, a man falling dead on the floor, a bullet between his eyes. “Not you...”

A dead man. By his hands. It doesn't matter why he did it, if he thought he was doing the right thing, or if it was just a stupid reflex because his mind went blank. The result is the same. A man died today, because of him. He killed a man. He probably has a wife and kids who will miss him tonight, and wonders why he is running late, worry about him, until they get a call from the police station to give the news and then... it's their whole lives that will be changed. A loved one gone, too fast, and for no reasons. Just because of him.

Sure, he had done things before, arrested people, put them into jail, hurt them and their families but nothing like... He'd never taken a life before.

“Ho...” He hears a soft whisper, and then feels hands on his cheeks. He is brought back to reality by this feeling, comforting, real and solid. He meets two eyes of ice yet full of warmth and compassion, but for a reason they appear blurry in his vision. “Castiel, no...”

“I... I did it.” He stammers. “I shot him. I killed him.”

“It's alright...” Lucifer tries to soothe him, rubbing his thumbs on his cheeks, making him look in his eyes.

“How could this be alright?”

“It's all just... bad combination of circumstances. So maybe you did it, but you had your reasons. It doesn't make you a bad person.” 

Castiel shudders a breath, but doesn't find the words. Lucifer finds them for him, and during that time he searches the strength to swallow up his tears. 

“I know it must be overwhelming. Believe me, I  _ know _ . But unlike me, you don't have to go through this alone. I'm here for you. So... Just let me take a bit of this load that is your guilt, all right?”

“I can't ask this of you. It's not fair.”

“I don't care of what is fair.”

Castiel huffs a laugh at these words, because they are damn true, which makes them even more sad. He feels the hands leave his cheeks and he misses them for a moment, until he finds that Lucifer decided to use them for a better use. Arms surround him and he is pulled into a hug. It's nothing warm or overwhelming, it's just there, present for him, and he loves it. 

“So...” Lucifer begins. “Can we be friends again? I miss you.”

Castiel can't help but snort. “This is real torture.”

“No it's not.” Lucifer argues, then pulls out a little bit, just to be able to look at his face. “Unless if you are the type that torture make feel better.”

Even if the idea seems pretty weird in his ears he notices that indeed, he is feeling better. And he almost feels bad for feeling better but decides that he may have better thing to do than to stay sad and guilty. He is in Lucifer's arms after all. And even if they don't have the same ideas in mind regarding their relationship, at least their intentions are clear. He knows, Lucifer knows. If it doesn't bother any of them, why should he continue to push away and not just enjoy what he can get?

“Yes. Of course we are still friends.” 

The smile Lucifer gives him convinces him that this is the right thing to do. Even if his feeling are unrequited, it's not like he expected more than what he already got. He can keep on loving Lucife r that way. 

They stay in each other's arms for another moment, which Castiel fully appreciate. He loves how Lucifer is cold and solid against his body. He loves how his arms are strong, holding him and offering a support he can't find the strength to deny. He loves how he can fit his head between his neck and shoulder and feel him and it's still okay. Well... Lucifer knows, and he lets him. So that must mean that it's okay.

“ Nice place you have.”

“Seriously?” Castiel rai ses his eyebrow. He couldn't be wrong thinking Lucifer didn't care about the way he  arranged his apartment. But the head of the mob shrugs, and Castiel laughs. “ That 's rich  since I moved here because of you.”

“ Well you made a good choice in your rush. It's small but it feel s fine.”

The beginning of this small talk seems like a signal to Castiel, and he slowly pulls out of the hug, to take a look around him. He guesses he could have gotten worse. The smallness of the apartment only makes it more intimate, and he likes it.  And the fact that Lucifer says it feels fine, well... He can only feel good about that. If Lucifer likes his place he might come visit sometimes now.

“Feeling better?” Lucifer checks on him, keeping a hand on his shoulder. 

“Yes, thank you.”

“Ho, it's nothing.” He dismisses, walking to sit comfortably on Castiel's sofa as if it was his own. “It's so much less than all the help you've been to me these days.”

“Come on.” He tries to dismiss, but can't help smiling a bit.

“No, it's true.” Lucifer insists, and stares at Castiel, as if he was waiting for something. After a moment, he understands and comes to sit next to him. Lucifer turns to him. “I wanted a friend and you were kind enough to accept to be that friend for me.”

“I'm not sure it was purely out of kindness.” He replies.

“Ho, alright, you had interests. So did I. So does every one about every thing. Who cares. You've been so good to me Castiel, I don't want you to feel bad because of me.”

Castiel doesn't reply. He knows it must be true, somehow,  if Lucifer says so .  He wanted a friend and Castiel became that friend for him. Then he was the first to try to really understand him and he showed him how to have good times while doing legal things. He guesses they maybe enjoyed these moments just the same amount. 

B ut he doesn't know how to take a compliment,  so instead he proposes. “Would you like a cup of real coffee?”

“Oooh yes.” Lucifer smiles. “I can't wait to taste what the real deal is.”

 

L ater, when Lucifer leaves, Castiel feels some of his feelings of wrongness coming back to him but he manages to ignore them, convince himself that they are not important. He knows for a fact that people who makes wrong decisions in their lives are not defined by them. They are still, beyond the illegality and crimes, good people. He has a good example of that. 

It's crazy, he thinks, how just one good time spent with his friend made all his worries fly away. Even things he should be worried about. But Lucifer makes it all look unimportant, and make him feel warm and good. 

Maybe that's all that really matters.


End file.
